So, to follow up last week's blog entry, I'm following Renee Stephen's 6-week program from her book Full-Filled, along with listening to her Inside Out Weight Loss podcasts. It's not about eating specific foods in a diet, it's about behaviour change, and changing how you think and behave around food. So, to keep a record beyond my private journal, here are my thoughts (all that I journalled, in fact) about her exercises for week 1.
Dig In 1: What specific behaviours do I want to change?
- Lack of planning. I want to know what I am going to prepare for myself instead of winging it after work and staring into the fridge for inspiration. If not a weekly plan, at least a daily plan.
- Compulsive overeating. Grazing on something little by little until it's all gone (ie: box of crackers, sweets, ice cream when larger than single serving containers) - this probably goes hand-in-hand with the lack of meal planning
- I do not routinely shop for groceries or prepare meals - again, aligned with planning
- I don't eat to fuel my body with what it needs, I just eat. Planning will help me to eat more intentionally, for example, ensuring adequate carbs the day before a sporting event.
- I eat very quickly. I need to put my fork down between bites, so that I can taste and appreciate my food, instead of just shovelling it in and inhaling it.
- Plate cleaning. I feel compelled to clean my plate (childhood training) - no wasting food!
- Over-eating. I eat until I'm beyond full at buffets/AYCE restaurants, perhaps due to "Value" eating. I want to feel like I'm getting my money's worth, so tend to overeat as a result.
- "See-food" diet. I snack on the treats on display at work even though I'm not hungry.
Dig In 2: What are my symptoms?
- I'm still 10-15lbs overweight
- My self-confidence is down
- I have new "small me" clothes purchased in the past 2 years which no longer fit. I try them and remove them when dressing for work (waste of time, upsetting), plus a spare room closet full of clothes in various sizes
- My mind is pre-occupied by food, weight loss, self-criticism. I would love to quiet that inner voice and focus on other things finally
- I feel guilty if I don't exercise (see the last point)
- I feel miserable if I overeat since I am bloated, and berate myself for it.
- My home space is disorganized and somewhat chaotic (STILL, moved in July) so I feel my environment contributes to my negative self-talk, lack of peace, and tendency to distract myself with food.
Dig In 3: Who's affected by your weight struggle?
- My normally confident self is most affected: I don't feel sexy/attractive/desirable; not as confident/self-assured; want to hide from others during this failure to maintain my lower weight
- My colleagues are affected, even unknowingly, if I judge them based on what I have going on, due to my incessant inner chatter
- My hockey team when I don't have enough energy to get through the game with pep
- Whoever I'm dating since I get freaky about what I'm eating when things aren't going well
Dig In 4: Identify your away-from motivation.
I want to move away from:
- eating this & that, whatever is convenient
- overeating at buffets
- grazing at work
- guilt over what I eat or whether I exercise
- a wardrobe of clothes that don't fit me
- gobbling my food down
- cellulite / grapefruit butt
- not being organized/prepared to eat a healthy meal
- dating those who praise my looks, in spite of their other shortcomings
- eating foods (usually processed) which cause my gut to react and proceed to evacuate (sorry... but wouldn't you want to move away from that too!?!) :-)
Dig In 5: What's your towards motivation?
I want to move towards:
- planning & preparing for healthy meals for myself
- intentionally caring for myself by fuelling my body with nourishing food
- eating until I'm just barely satisfied
- listening to my body and actually feeling & responding to hunger
- having a single, stylish wardrobe to dress quickly and confidently from
- confidence in myself to care for myself effectively
- finding some motivation for and joy in cooking meals for one
- confidence that I'm on the right track or can easily correct myself by learning
- a slim & muscular body with visible leg muscles!
- a vibrant social life
- a life with enough fun to balance out the work
- feeling like I'm good enough, qualified enough and can be accepted for who I am
- having the confidence to attract the right mate for me
- tasting my food, and eating food worthy of being tasted
- a healthy, regular gut. No more IBS flare-ups.
Exercise: Vividly imagine your dream self
- If I were slim & muscular, I would be confident.
If I were confident, I would be attract different people into my life than I do today, and have the fortitude to reject those who aren't good enough for me. I might attract someone who is also confident and self-assured, who wouldn't be threatened by me; someone fun and available.
- If I were more self-confident, I would take better pride in ownership of my home and my body. I would work out regularly, get more sleep, tidy up and be more organized. I could entertain guests without embarrassment or panic. I could dress myself with ease in clothes that fit me. I could be self-assured that I will have enough, and purge some stuff that I don't truly need.
I think I'm ready for week 2!