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Saturday, November 24, 2012

It was a rough day. I got up early and baked pumpkin sourdough breads for our dinner and for The Boy to take to his Sweetheart's family . Got to my folks' house around 11:30 and made the stuffing and cranberry sauce. Seeing my dad lying in the hospital bed in the living room, so still and pale, resulted in a couple of reactions from me: I gave him a kiss every time I passed him (and he always thanked me) and I started drinking about 12:15. This is unusual for a lot of reasons. First, I'm not much of a drinker. Second, I can't remember ever drinking alcohol at noon. Third, I probably drank most of a bottle of wine by myself throughout the day.

As you can imagine, I didn't have a particularly successful food day. In fact, the only plan that I followed was that I didn't take home leftovers for us other than turkey; oh, and I didn't eat my sister's amazing apple crisp. Back to watching my weight yesterday. Thursday was a food disaster.

It sucks watching your father die.

Here's the good part. I was sitting with him as the rest of the family was in the family room. After a while, I asked him if I could sit on the bed with him, and he said "sure," so I laid down next to him, put my head on his chest and just cuddled with him, listening to his heart beat. He put an arm around my shoulders and kissed me on the forehead ("I love you, babe"), and we were just quiet for about a half-hour or so. If he was uncomfortable, he didn't show it or complain.

If this is the last memory that I have of my father, this is a good thing.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh my. I am so sorry. Your post brought me to tears. My father is 80 and there were times I thought he would die. He was hit by a car once and then had lung cancer. So, I can imagine your pain.

    No wonder you drank that day. To numb the pain. How precious you got up in bed with him. Sometimes people don't touch those they love when they are dying for fear of hurting them. I am sure he appreciated it and you got to hug your dad. Bless your heart.

    1915 days ago
    So sorry to hear your Father is so ill. I'm glad you can spend some quility time with him at the end.
    1915 days ago
  • DSJB9999
    So sorry to hear this, but it seems like you have been making some lovely last memories.

    Take care of youself

    1915 days ago
    emoticon This has to be one of the most difficult things in the world. So glad you are brave enough and taking the time to create the last precious memories of your father. You will never have to deal with the regrets for not doing so later.
    1915 days ago
    So sorry about your father. I lost my dad four years ago just before Thanksgiving and you are right. It is heartbreaking to watch someone you love die. And yes, that is an incredibly sweet moment for you to remember.
    1915 days ago
    Just sending you lots of hugs, sweetie - it has got to be beyond rough! But I'm glad you had Thanksgiving together.
    1915 days ago
    OMG, my dear, this has me in tears. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)
    )))))))))))))))))))))) That's all I can say.

    1915 days ago
    Watching a parent die is the hardest thing one can do I went through that in 2007 with my mom and I feel what you are going through

    If that is the last memory, it is definetely a good one

    1916 days ago
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