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    DENRNAJ   66,197
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Every day was great- with one exception

Saturday, November 24, 2012

I have had a really great time off. The place where I work has been having a low census and I got called off several days that I was scheduled to work. I have saved up "paid time off" and was able to use that so my pay will be less but I will get a check.
We had a family gathering- I thought a good time was had by all until I was pulled "secretly" into the kitchen and told how I was upsetting another family member. This really hit me broadside. I was informed of all the things that I was doing (or not doing) that was upsetting to this person. This happens frequently- I upset this person and them am told what I have done by someone else. Attempts to communicate with the offended party are met with tears or silence.
Then- the email. I get an email from the offended party stating what I have done wrong. I am accused of interrupting and not being interested enough in what that person was saying. The truly sad part was that I actually did ask questions about what was stated. I was ignored. I took it as the person did not hear me or had moved onto someone else's conversation.
I think about all the people that cannot be with their families this year, because of death, disease, military service. I think about all of those that know that this will most likely be their last holiday season with their families. I think about a friend who had what everyone thought was the "perfect marriage" sitting at home while her estranged spouse takes the children to the traditional family gathering the first time without her. I think about all the suffering in the world and hate that someone would actually think that I enjoy being ugly or mean to someone in my own family.
I have done a great deal of self work when it comes to having others make me feel bad about myself or feel guilty. I have found that a huge trigger for me overeating is because of emotions, allowing myself to feel bad about myself because of what someone else says or thinks about me. I had a very wise person tell me that it is not my business what other people think of me- that is up to the other person to decide, not me. I have come to an understanding that I can only control my own behavior and actions, and yes...my own feelings. I cannot be responsible for everyone else's feelings.
To make life easier for my family this Christmas I decided to not attend the family gathering. I believe that this will be the first year that I've not gone. I choose not to be upset; I will volunteer at the local animal shelter on that day- those animals don't care what I say (or don't say)!

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BE-THE-CHANGE 11/24/2012 5:08PM

    Your wise friend is right - you are only responsible for your own emotions and feelings, not someone else's.

However, you should be making life easier for yourself, not other people. If you don't want to go to the family gathering because of how you feel in response to this, then I am all for it. Volunteering is a wonderful idea. But don't skip the gathering if it will only make you feel worse. You cannot be responsible for someone else's feelings...or everyone else's feelings.

I feel sorry for that family member who is apparently so needy that they have to cause drama in order to get attention.

You are the better person, my friend.
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LINWASH23 11/24/2012 4:48PM

    Sorry about you family situation, however I think you should go to your family gathering and remember, "everyone you meet is dealing with something". emoticon

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