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Accountability post- nothing good here.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Well this whole week was one massive example of how not to lose weight and hopefully the finale to my month long downward spiral. I can't keep spinning out of control like this. I'm so disappointed that I got half a pound away from my 50lb mark and then just lost focus. As of last Saturday, I was only up 1.5 lbs because I was still fighting for control. But this last week... Ugh. I don't even know what to say about it. I was off work which meant out of my routine and just derailed completely. I ate papa johns pizza for goodness sake! which i dont even like! Miss organic, non-processed, support local business. what am i doing with my life right now?!

I'm not even weighing myself tomorrow. Sorry to my team, I just can't face it right now. I'm going to get myself back on track for a week and see where I'm at next week. I just need to focus on getting my healthy habits back. I've already tracked meals for the next 3 days and will finish the rest of the week's plan tomorrow. And im getting off all the refined sugar which means no square of dark chocolate and no sugar in my coffee - the 2 main things ive allowed for awhile now. ive just been letting myself get away with too much. i gotta get back control. Plus I've made a exercise plan that I'm going to stick to. I even started it today which is good because I ate thanksgiving leftovers even though I vowed yesterday that I wouldn't. (But I did say no to pie). So I was feeling crappy and didn't want to run but I did it anyway.

I've been really sporadic with running the last couple weeks and it hasn't been all that enjoyable. So I decided to just take it easy tonight. I ran super slow, like 15.5 min/mile. And only did 30 min. My legs were in pain the whole time which is so frustrating. I wish I knew if its my shoes or just me not doing it enough. I'm tired of my legs burning so bad. But I'm not quitting. And at least I made myself do it. The only way to improve is to keep going. So that's what I'm going to do. I can't keep betting myself up because I'm not where I think I should be. I have to just go from where I am and do my best and let that be enough.

Anyway I've had a setback. It sucks. I feel impatient and frustrated and mad at myself. But I gotta keep going. I know I can do this. I've been starting to feel like I did 49(48? 47? 46?) lbs ago- like its all impossible. I'm too addicted. I have no will power. It's too hard. I'll never be thin. But I have to remember that I've been doing it. I AM doing it. I've come a long way. I'm not quitting now. I can do hard things.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RYDERB 11/26/2012 9:27AM

    This explains so much. I knew it wasn't like you to be MIA. emoticon

First, and "official team comment" when you don't want to or can't weigh in, you still need to update your weight & point tracker. You just enter your previous weight, and your points, even if they're a zero. Now that that's over with….,

I'm sorry you've been feeling so out of control. I completely understand, but I wish you wouldn't give your scale that much power over you. It's just a tool to help you navigate this journey. Not stepping on it, won't change the reality of any weight you've gained, but not knowing what the numbers WERE, will cheat you when you step on it again. You deserve to feel proud when you see just how much control you were able to take back.

Don't forget, we're women and our bodies do things we can't always explain, What matters more than the number on the scale is that we keep fighting, and we never give up. Congratulations on saying no to that piece of pie, and on going for that run. You should be proud of yourself. The choices & changes that we're making (no matter how small they might seem) are having a cumulative effect on our health and our happiness. That's how we win this battle and the scale will eventually have to surrender to our persistence and our will.
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Comment edited on: 11/26/2012 9:30:23 AM

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PSALM42 11/25/2012 5:25PM

    hugs! You can do this! I do wonder though if keeping the small bit of sugar in your coffee and the dark chocolate would help. At least for me, when I deny myself for SO long then I usually fall hard and head first into temptation. The same thing goes with saving money- if I do not allow for any splurges then I seem to always blow the money I've managed to save. Do what works for you. Tomorrow is always a new day. Good luck!

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JCARDINAL 11/24/2012 3:52PM

    You can do this! You have a plan to stop the slide and you can stick to it!! emoticon

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KANOE10 11/24/2012 9:19AM

    I am sorry you had such a hard week. You are doing the right thing by planning your food ahead, exercising, and staying away from sugar. You know you have the strength in you to do this. You have already lost close to 50 pounds. Tell yourself that progress is important, not perfection.

You will soon feel happier and more in control when you are eating healthy and exercising. You can do it. I like your ending comment..You can do hard things!

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MAGGIE101857 11/24/2012 8:18AM

    I thought about not weighing in this morning, and now I have had my breakfast : ( Guess we'll just have to "face the music" and the scale - take one for the team! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRATEFULBOB 11/24/2012 8:17AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SARASMILING 11/24/2012 8:10AM

    I'm on a total set back too. Please weigh in though. We have to face this. We have to suck it up and deal with it. We have to get motivated and focused again. We have to do this. I'm up over 10 pounds. :( Let's figure this thing out and deal with it. We have to take back control. We have to, we have to, we have to! lol Ugh! lol Can you tell I'm frustrated?! lol
We can do this. We will do this. We just need to find that spark again. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KDJUAREZ 11/24/2012 12:41AM

    Hey - I have TOTALLY been there. Self sabotage time and time again. (How can my brain simultaneously know that I want to lose weight but also seemingly make me eat things that are horrible for me??)

You have done so much, and are still doing great - the point is that you're not giving up. All this says is that you need some more time to get to your final destination and it's good practice for maintenance when you get there!

Just take a deep breath and decide that you KNOW you enjoy yourself when you're eating healthy and always come back here, no matter what.

Don't be too hard on yourself, that sort of negativity just pushes people to extremes in trying to counteract what you perceive as a huge mistake. It's just part of the journey!

Have a GREAT week and do the best you can. You are completely an inspiration to me!

-Kelly

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