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I'm proud of myself today! I hope I can make this statement a STREAK!

Friday, November 23, 2012

emoticon Yay...ME! I got a lot accomplished today!
A lot of items got checked off on "MY DO THIS TO STAY HEALTHY" list! Soooo yay ME! emoticon

It's finally starting to sink in that no one is going to bolster my health or my happiness but ME!

It's MY life and it's GOT to be my decision to be healthy no one else's... but mine! An incident came up on Thanksgiving between the hubs and I that shall remain private...but I must say I was DEEPLY disappointed! DEEPLY HURT... AND...disappointed.

I got to thinking to myself...WHY do you EVER expect someone else to put you first in ALL things when you NEVER, EVER, EVER put your own self first? You've set a pretty low bar for yourself these almost 35 years of marriage.

This too shall pass...but I have made it a BIG friggin' deal...because it IS a big friggin' deal and I'm tired of always having MY feelings tromped on so that certain other people are placed in front of me..that fact..which happens much more than it should kind of tells me that THEY are held in higher regard. I mean really...why would I expect anything different after the same ole' same ole' all these many years?

Don't get me wrong DH is a wonderful and caring person...he just sometimes forgets to care about me and MY needs. I guess that's the take away about being a fierce and strong woman..men secretly like to be the BIG guy on campus and if you take away a little of that stature by being the spunky, feisty, GO FOR IT person you have always been...and I might add ALWAYS will be...you get little pay-backs....subtle but just as damaging as a mole undermining and eating away your landscape. For those of us who are shoved to the background instead of brought to the foreground we know this IS not a good feeling when we get our needs and feelings trounced on...sometimes over and over and over again. It's amazing how quickly a pattern can develop if we are too busy being 'Wonder Woman!'

Which leads me to my favorite topic of conversation..."Who do you REALLY think is the smarter of two women?

The one that works 14 hour days...seven days a week handling EVERY detail on the housing agenda and THEN also works OUTSIDE the home as the harried self employed does THAT bookkeeping, ordering, advertising, scheduling, then just because she can...crams a second job in for a little more income, AND does 90% of the cooking, cleaning, shopping AND any special projects that pop up...oh and of course manages the social schedule too!

OR...the helpless little Barbie doll, who feigns ignorance about EVERYTHING so that her big..strong...man...can take care of her whilst she decorates the house, herself and eats her bon bons~ tongue in cheek...but seriously after some 40 something years of life experience...I'm voting for the Barbie girl!

So in a new hopeful and positive outlook I'm going to be my OWN best bud for awhile now and do what I have seriously ignored for years and years and YEARS now. I'm going to start putting myself at the front of the line. That means no more swallowing hard feelings, no more rationalizing about what makes certain people act certain ways. No more 'it is what it is' because when it isn't what it SHOULD be...it isn't! I've got to stop rationalizing disrespect.

The world is full of lonely people and don't think for a moment that I don't appreciate that I have a 75% perfect guy...well...after Thanksgiving...let's make him 60% perfect. But time's a ticking and to have this mentality of THEM first...you AFTER them first...well let's just say it's getting old.

SO...I WILL make time for myself every day and I WILL stop working myself to death to break the path always...I'm tired of being the scout. I want to be relaxed and remembered on special days, and told that I'm appreciated for all that I do instead of poked at in a total passive aggressive way...for the stuff I don't do perfectly. I say if YOU don't have a better solution, then you have no soapbox for critical opinion right?

It's all in a days ups and downs of marriage...but seriously after the same old crap occurs over and over and OVER ya gotta smack yourself on the head and say "WAKE UP CALL!"

My goals for the rest of November are:

Walk at least 45 minutes EVERY day.

Prepare a 'go to' filling soup that is low calorie and filling.

Don't take any crap from ANY one that makes me feel low or ashamed of myself or second rate AFTER someone else...ALWAYS the someone else.

Continue to appreciate the beauty in my world and continue to honor the beauty in myself, I've seriously lost track of them both.

Notice that people treat you the way you allow them too...if you don't like the treatment don't allow it.

That should do nicely for the next few weeks. I reflected on this as I walked 45 minutes in our neighborhood. I'd forgotten how pretty our neighborhood is (I usually walk on the treadmill inside) the weather was balmy and breezy and comfortably cool.

Before I went out I fixed a big pot of pea soup.

The hubs doesn't like soup..so I usually don't have it on hand. But you know what..if he doesn't like and appreciate the healthy foods that I make and support the fact that I'm doing this for a good reason...the need to lose some lbs....that he so aptly pointed out a few blogs back with what I think was a kind of mean spirited message down low video...well...that's the way the low calorie cookie crumbles.

This is about ME now! emoticon emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You, me and most women on this planet have a hard time getting out of the "taking care of everyone else" syndrome. It's like we feel wired that way or something but I think it's because we love that warm, soothing feeling we get when someone really appreciates all we do.

    It's so easy to get caught up in trying to please others that we forget to stop and take care of ourselves. I am glad that you have made the decision to take care of yourself. That's healthy for you and anyone around you.

    My hubby also tries to destroy my diet by complaining about the healthy food I try to push but I'm going to do the same thing you are doing - fix what I need and let him fend for himself if he doesn't agree with my menu.

    Thanks for sharing!
    1817 days ago
  • KERRYG155
    Barbie's not so dumb after all!! My husband only eats soup when it's cold outside. I love soup any time! I also know my husband is a pretty decent guy but he does have a bad habit of name calling and many a time has repeated 'whale on the beach' when I've been lying on the floor. Now doesn't' that just make a person feel loved. You are right in that we have to make our own plans and we have to stick to them even when someone else wants us to go in another direction. My goals would be to get in some exercise every day and eat more veggies plus working on getting my husband to think a bit more about what he is eating.
    1818 days ago
    Yep, I know what you are talking about. I say if the hubs doesn't like what you fix, he know where the kitchen is. For many years I put everyone else before me. Several years ago I decided to put myself first. You have to do what makes you happy and healthy. He can either support you and go along with it or can figure out how to cook something for himself. emoticon emoticon

    emoticon emoticon
    1819 days ago
  • DR1939
    Most families eat what the husband likes. Unfortunately this is often unhealthy. I fix healthy food and put it on the table. No one has/had to eat it but no one could complain either. I seldom buy snack-type foods, e.g., chips, cookies, and when I do they are for a specific reason. For example I use tortilla chips in a soup. I buy the smallest possible bag, use what I need for the soup and freeze the rest. They are just fine to cook with.
    1819 days ago
    Oh dear, sounds like you need to get away for a bit.
    1819 days ago
    emoticon WTG!!
    1819 days ago
    This is something I heard being discussed one day and it stuck with me. These words always come to my mind when I start to react to what someone else is saying or doing. I always try to remember that, "No one can make me feel one way or another". It's how I choose to feel or react to what another person does or says. If I feel hurt it's because I chose to feel hurt, the other person didn't make me feel hurt, I chose it. When I realize I have control over how I'm gonna react, I remain in control. Now sometimes thats easier said then done but after getting into the habit of not reacting to other peoples issues, it gets easier. Another great help for me came from reading the book, The Four Agreements. One of the four agreements, and a really good one is this: Never take things personally. It's not about you. What a person says or does, says more about them than it does about you. Our lives become so much more peaceful when we don't take things personally. All that to say, You Are Your Number One Priority...if you don't take care of you, who will. Put yourself first and everyone else will just have to get right or get left! They will love you more because You Will Love Yourself More! I'm talking from my own personal experiences here, so forgive me for going on and on but I understand the importance of taking care of self. emoticon
    1819 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/24/2012 8:07:26 AM
    I hear you, loud and clear. Sometimes, it has to be
    about you and for you. No one else will do it for you.
    The bonus will be that feel-good feeling that comes
    from being first, not second and not last. Given time,
    he will see the wisdom of your efforts. I need to be
    a little more Barbie myself. HUGS!
    1819 days ago
  • MAGGIE101857
    Boy, did this blog hit home! I too, am that strong Barbie! There are many days when I want to just be treated like the Princess Barbie, and my BH just doesn't seem to get that. Thanksgiving Day was a breaking point for me as well; after I went over to HIS mother's apartment to get her ready, after I lifted her in and out of the car, held her as she walked into the restaurant, readied her meal, managed to get her back up into the Tahoe (not an easy feat with a 91 year old woman who can't lift herself, and then got her back safely tucked into her apartment; after I did the Christmas shopping for her....he said "well, that was an interesting lunch" and went to take a nap. My blood was boiling!!! But you hit the nail on the head - I've done it the last five years for him, and even though its getting physically harder, I keep doing it. I do it to help the MIL retain a sense of dignity in her later years. I do it because their relationship is not warm and fuzzy, and I wish that they could have the relationship that I was blessed to have with my own parents. I do it because it's the right thing to do, even if he will never understand that.

    Another comment when I was trying to lift her into the car "don't worry; she is really strong and she won't drop you!!". lol I guess that was what we call a back handed compliment???

    So 60%??? Ditto!!!
    1819 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    1819 days ago
    I think I know what you're expressing. I am married 38 years yesterday and not even a "Happy Anniversary." Sometimes, it's very difficult to be taken for granted.
    1819 days ago
  • MIRAGE727
    Simply put, I preach that no matter what your health comes first. No excuses. The usual come back is I don't have time as I'm taking care of everyone. Then I go tough love and ask "who will take care of them if you're not there?" That's when reality sets in! Stay strong, Bobbie! Embrace the lifestyle!
    1819 days ago
    Sometimes you have to just take the Bull by the Horns! Go Bobbi! You are right that YOU have to make YOURSELF a priority. Take a look at downloading the Nike+running application to your smartphone. You can also use it for walking and it is fun. It will keep track of your time, pace and mileage and award you "Nike Fuel". Best of all it is FREE!


    Hugs to you,
    1819 days ago
    Feel better that you got all that off your chest. I know what you mean.Not with Bill but with my children.I am always on bottom of totem pole. This may be our last Christmas get to gather this year. They don't come to see us.They come to see each other.
    1819 days ago
    My husband eats just about anything I put in front of him. I'm blessed. I hope you are successful in putting yourself first. WHy not?
    1819 days ago
    Oh dear . . . I agree, it’s no fun to be taken for granted in any way, and for me, it works both ways. I’m so fortunate to have a kind, patient, and gentle man in my life who is rather appreciative of the passion, joy, and excitement I bring to the relationship. Now I still have my flaws, and plenty of them, but we get through it with help from the Almighty. One of the ways I’m reminded to bring a little humility back into the mix is to continually find ways that I can bring God’s great joy through service with others. Sometimes, when I get the message where I’ve forgotten where this tremendous source of energy comes from, something or someone (a God moment) brings me back to reality.

    Nowhere in the bible does it tell us to hate ourselves. In Matthew, we’re reminded, “You shall love your neighbor as [you do] yourself.” Yes, you should love (not arrogantly, but yes, love) yourself. God would not want us to ignore our temples (aka wellbeing). There are choices on this earth I can make to make living on this earth more enjoyable (and healthy). Then, when this body wears out, I’ll rejoice in the new bodies we’ll be given in heaven.

    While we were created for a plan and a purpose that is unique to each of us, women remain so very different than men (seminars galore on this topic). My best advice to myself and good friends are, “never give up your girlfriends,” my dear (albeit virtual) girlfriend. I hope you’re still planning on that get away with girlfriends near the end of the year. The lights of New York will undoubtedly reenergize you to new heights.

    Someday soon, I hope to visit your shoppe and share a hug with one of the most beautiful and sunny-disposition people I know – the glow shows through your profile image. It probably does not serve well for me to bemoan or complain about how different we are as husband and wife (and I find myself thinking more than I should about these differences). I do, however, rejoice in those times when I can share in the beauty of a relationship with a girlfriend. Both relationships complete me when I can also give glory to God.

    It’s a shame your hubby’s not into soups . . . perhaps he’ll change his mind in this area (make lots and freeze, if need be!). You deserve some of the abundance that comes with living the good life. You are not second rate, but hopefully equal in your quest to living the good life. Do enjoy a few things that only you can enjoy – I have no doubt that you will also respect those around you . . . because it’s your God-given nature.
    1820 days ago
    Good for you, learning to put yourself first! It's a hard habit to break, and I need to work on it as well. Although I would not want to be the "Barbie" in your example, I know that training everybody to depend on me to do it all was not in my best interest!
    Your plan for taking care of yourself sounds do-able and positive - go for it!

    1820 days ago
    Girlfriend, you have been through so much! I'm sure "the Hubs" loves you immensely, but I should think he'd be doing everything possible to support your efforts to get healthy. My son, James, doesn't always like what I fix for meals, so I either buy some frozen pizzas for him or he can buy what he wants and fix it himself.

    And yes, you need to find a way or make a way to do the things you need to do to get healthy. I know how stressed I was with all the negative energy in my house. While my situation was different, I did neglect doing many of the things I needed to do for me. Even though I made enough money to take care of myself and James, I didn't invest much in myself - that's precisely why I'm using OL now, and I'm trying to find a gym close by that has reasonable rates. Be good to yourself - Others will treat you accordingly! emoticon
    1820 days ago
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  • MR.NET1
    1820 days ago
    Good plan!

    Make today a great day!
    1820 days ago
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