Yay...ME! I got a lot accomplished today!
A lot of items got checked off on "MY DO THIS TO STAY HEALTHY" list! Soooo yay ME!
It's finally starting to sink in that no one is going to bolster my health or my happiness but ME!
It's MY life and it's GOT to be my decision to be healthy no one else's... but mine! An incident came up on Thanksgiving between the hubs and I that shall remain private...but I must say I was DEEPLY disappointed! DEEPLY HURT... AND...disappointed.
I got to thinking to myself...WHY do you EVER expect someone else to put you first in ALL things when you NEVER, EVER, EVER put your own self first? You've set a pretty low bar for yourself these almost 35 years of marriage.
This too shall pass...but I have made it a BIG friggin' deal...because it IS a big friggin' deal and I'm tired of always having MY feelings tromped on so that certain other people are placed in front of me..that fact..which happens much more than it should kind of tells me that THEY are held in higher regard. I mean really...why would I expect anything different after the same ole' same ole' all these many years?
Don't get me wrong DH is a wonderful and caring person...he just sometimes forgets to care about me and MY needs. I guess that's the take away about being a fierce and strong woman..men secretly like to be the BIG guy on campus and if you take away a little of that stature by being the spunky, feisty, GO FOR IT person you have always been...and I might add ALWAYS will be...you get little pay-backs....subtle but just as damaging as a mole undermining and eating away your landscape. For those of us who are shoved to the background instead of brought to the foreground we know this IS not a good feeling when we get our needs and feelings trounced on...sometimes over and over and over again. It's amazing how quickly a pattern can develop if we are too busy being 'Wonder Woman!'
Which leads me to my favorite topic of conversation..."Who do you REALLY think is the smarter of two women?
The one that works 14 hour days...seven days a week handling EVERY detail on the housing agenda and THEN also works OUTSIDE the home as the harried self employed does THAT bookkeeping, ordering, advertising, scheduling, then just because she can...crams a second job in for a little more income, AND does 90% of the cooking, cleaning, shopping AND any special projects that pop up...oh and of course manages the social schedule too!
OR...the helpless little Barbie doll, who feigns ignorance about EVERYTHING so that her big..strong...man...can take care of her whilst she decorates the house, herself and eats her bon bons~ tongue in cheek...but seriously after some 40 something years of life experience...I'm voting for the Barbie girl!
So in a new hopeful and positive outlook I'm going to be my OWN best bud for awhile now and do what I have seriously ignored for years and years and YEARS now. I'm going to start putting myself at the front of the line. That means no more swallowing hard feelings, no more rationalizing about what makes certain people act certain ways. No more 'it is what it is' because when it isn't what it SHOULD be...it isn't! I've got to stop rationalizing disrespect.
The world is full of lonely people and don't think for a moment that I don't appreciate that I have a 75% perfect guy...well...after Thanksgiving...let's make him 60% perfect. But time's a ticking and to have this mentality of THEM first...you AFTER them first...well let's just say it's getting old.
SO...I WILL make time for myself every day and I WILL stop working myself to death to break the path always...I'm tired of being the scout. I want to be relaxed and remembered on special days, and told that I'm appreciated for all that I do instead of poked at in a total passive aggressive way...for the stuff I don't do perfectly. I say if YOU don't have a better solution, then you have no soapbox for critical opinion right?
It's all in a days ups and downs of marriage...but seriously after the same old crap occurs over and over and OVER ya gotta smack yourself on the head and say "WAKE UP CALL!"
My goals for the rest of November are:
Walk at least 45 minutes EVERY day.
Prepare a 'go to' filling soup that is low calorie and filling.
Don't take any crap from ANY one that makes me feel low or ashamed of myself or second rate AFTER someone else...ALWAYS the someone else.
Continue to appreciate the beauty in my world and continue to honor the beauty in myself, I've seriously lost track of them both.
Notice that people treat you the way you allow them too...if you don't like the treatment don't allow it.
That should do nicely for the next few weeks. I reflected on this as I walked 45 minutes in our neighborhood. I'd forgotten how pretty our neighborhood is (I usually walk on the treadmill inside) the weather was balmy and breezy and comfortably cool.
Before I went out I fixed a big pot of pea soup.
The hubs doesn't like soup..so I usually don't have it on hand. But you know what..if he doesn't like and appreciate the healthy foods that I make and support the fact that I'm doing this for a good reason...the need to lose some lbs....that he so aptly pointed out a few blogs back with what I think was a kind of mean spirited message down low video...well...that's the way the low calorie cookie crumbles.
This is about ME now!