Thursday, November 22, 2012
My words are inadequate to express the depth of my gratitude to the One who loved me enough to give His life for mine, and change the course of my destiny. It started before I was even born. Jeremiah 1.5 says simply this: ĎBefore I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.í Well, I donít know about the whole prophet thing but I do know that I know that I know that He knew me, and had a plan for me. Why, you ask. And rightly so.
Iím nothing if not honest, blunt at times, so Iíll just cut to the chase. I shouldnít be here. Thatís a trite saying to some, but to me itís a fact. Yep. I was born dead. Beyond dead, actually. ďWhite asphyxiatedĒ, according to my mother. Blue asphyxiated is bad enough, but whiteÖ well, thereís very little hope of life for a baby born like that. When she talks all things medical she knows her stuff Ė as a midwife in the east end of London for many years she has tales to tell that are not for the faint of heart. She didnít get around to mentioning I was born dead for about 40 years but when she did, it affected my life profoundly. That verse I came to relate to on a very intimate level.
Right now I seem to be living in a Romans 8.28 mode, telling myself that God is greater than my circumstances, and that ALL things work together for my good regardless of how I feel on a daily basis, because Iím called to walk by faith and not by feelings. How can I say thanks to the Creator of the universe, who saw fit to give me life, despite the odds? I canít help but be thankful. If nothing else, Iím thankful for life.
Iím thankful for my two daughters. Weíve been through a lot together, and a motherís love runs deep. They keep me on my knees. They say things, do things, choose things, that cause me pain. Hang around folk I wouldnít choose for them. Use language they have no business using. I wanna slap them upside the head sometimes. One has decided ďthat whole religion thing works for you, mum, but not for meÖĒ and that another lifestyle does. The other has decided to date a man outside of her faith. If itís still even her faith. Still, theyíre mine and I love them.
Iím thankful that the youngest is still alive and kicking. Usually me. Two days ago she was in a major serious car accident, and she lived to tell the tale. Iím thankful thereís still hope for her to return to the God of her salvation, the One she used to know quite well. If He can save this stubborn gal, He can save anyone!!!
Iím thankful for the heroes who die daily for my right to live my life as I see fit and God directs. Iím thankful for the gift of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness because of men who will give their all to defend those freedoms. John 15.13 says that there is no greater love than the one that lays down its life for a friend. And these guys donít even know me. I honour them and thank them for their sacrifice.
Iím thankful for true friends. The circleís been getting smaller lately, but the ones that remain have been proved faithful. God told me once that a friend in need is a friend in DEED. Theyíre gentle. Patient. Time after time after time. How I treasure them.
Iím thankful for the gift to write. I lost that dream so many years ago and am in a season where God is restoring all the years the locusts have stolen. I am finally brave enough to pour out my heart on paper and be transparent, hoping to touch souls and leave fruit that remains.
Iím thankful for Godís grace. (Itís my middle name, and I choose to embrace the grace rather than resist it, like I did for so very many years.) His mercy. His unending love. His goodness. Iím thankful for every new day. The chance to encourage, strengthen, help someone in this sin-filled world. I choose to rejoice despite my feelings, and be glad because regardless of my feelings, circumstances, or even finances, Heís still worthy. I choose to praise His name, even when it looks like Heís not working and I canít see my way out. Iím thankful IN all things but not always thankful FOR all things. Yet one thing I know. Thou remainest. God is good, and His mercy endures forever. How can I say thanks? How indeed.