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Rock bottom

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

You know how they say that addicts have to hit rock bottom before they do anything about their addiction. Well I've hit rock bottom. Yesterday I went to the plus size store in search of pants. I am currently living in stretchy athletic/yoga pants. I had the most defeating moment in my life. That says alot, since I thought I hit that point two weeks before my wedding. I gained 30 pounds in the two months leading up to my wedding and when I tried my dress (that I bought 6 months before the big day) it didn't fit. A river of tears issued forth and one would have thought I would have gotten my act together. Well here I am 10 pounds heaver than that day and feeling more than misrable. I never hated looking at myself in the mirror, until yesterday. I'm just wresting with so many emotions right now; sadness, anger, and mostly helpless.

For six years my husband has begged me to go to the gym on a regualr bases. He's begged me to stop eating fast food, fattening food, and all unhealthy foods in general. I of course just did it in small spurts to pacify him and never to take care of myself. Now I'm two pant sizes BIGGER. As hard as that is to deal with I have to think about what all this weight and excess fat is doing to my body. I'm killing myself with food. There is no other way to see it. I'm one burger away from a heart disease. I'm already at risk with my diabetes, BMI, and family history. What have I done to myself?! Or maybe what I have I not done for myself?

I need to ACT and stop THINKING about acting. I can't wait for some magical transformation. I can't sit on my behind and dream of days when I'm thinner, healthier, and more active. It requires ACTION. If I don't ACT, I'm going to end up in an oversized coffin. That's the hard truth about it. I can't continue on this path of self-destruction with food. I will only get the things I want but working for them. I want to walk and not gasp for air. I want to hike and canoe and do outdoor activited with ease. I want to be healthy and minimize my risks for heart disease and reduce the medications that I'm on. I want to be able to stop freaking out that a wayward pain in my arm or chest is a heart attack.

I think that it is appropriate that this happened now, because tomorrow for Thanksgiving I'm going to be thankful that I've finally seen the truth of my situation. Because hitting rock bottom means you can start moving up and moving toward something better.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks for all the suggestions and help. I just get overwhelmed sometimes with trying to be healthier and dealing with the craziness of life.
    1310 days ago
  • v KONRAD695
    I have to agree with a support person and Dec goals. If you ever need to bounce ideas or have someone look in on you, let me know if I can help. Please check my blog of Nov goals. It was very easy and the check-ins help keep me on track. When I mess up, it gets reported, then I can move on. My Dec list will be shorter, think I'll stick to 5 goals. Anyways, good luck and emoticon
    1310 days ago
    December is just a few days away. Post a blog with goals for December. Make them realistic and SMART. Take two or three things that you are going to focus on, set the goal, then post HOW you are going to achieve them. Make a plan to revisit them mid month to see how you're doing. You don't want to overwhelm yourself with these goals, you want something that you CAN do with just some effort so you will be heading into the new year with a confidence that you CAN, since you just DID. It could be something as simple as fast food no more than once a week, or getting in your 8 glasses of water 6 days a week. The purpose is to first keep your mind focused on a healthy decision, and second to meet your goals so you have that feeling of accomplishment.
    And Amber, we are here to cheer you on along the way. :) You CAN do it!!
    1312 days ago
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    1318 days ago
    It may be helpful to have an in person support group like Weight Watchers or Overeaters Anonymous. Just a thought.
    Good luck.
    1318 days ago
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