Death, New Job, and Holidays...Nuff said

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

So it's been quite awhile since I last blogged, or even consistently logged on or tracked my food and exercise. It's been a difficult year at best. In June my mother passed away. It was sudden and I have (am) struggling to deal with everything. On top of that I started a new job 1 month after losing my mom. I feel completely overwhelmed with this new position. It is complicated and has a very long learning curve. Throughout everything I have tried to stay active or at least as active as I can. I didn't exercise at all in June, and only a little in July. I did not gain any weight that I lost thank God but I didn't lose much. What I have gained was stress, anxiety, and a nice dose of depression.

Lately I've been getting down on myself for not losing more, for not being closer to my goal weight. I look at myself and all I see is how far I have to go still. With the Holidays here I am having a hard time and I am looking for an outlet and that has been food. I tried to stay within 1400 calories and NOT eating back any calories burned by exercising. That lasted 4 days. Then I overate for 3 days. Now I'm left with feeling like a failure on top of it all.

Anyway sorry for the depressing rant. I have 50lbs I'd like to lose still I hope to one day be at 135 although I'll be honest I don't even know if that's realistic with my lack of self control. Even though I don’t have much if any confidence in myself I will continue to exercise and make attempts at staying within a respectable calorie range.
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