CAZZINATOR

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Balancing my time is difficult

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Monday, November 19, 2012

hey sparks,
Long time since I've blogged, not much has changed, I feel like the same person, I look the same... But I did get my driver's license last week, :). Other than that, nothing else feels different. I haven't worked out in forever, :(. It sucks, I always say Im gonna work out today, then it never happens. Well.. I do yoga every other day, but its not the same. Anyways, today i am gonna get back into the habit, lol it is thankgiving break, :). (sorta I have school for 2 more days, :P) And I promised myself that I won't overeat in thanksgiving. Maybe I can lose some lbs this week, I am still around the 125 lb mark. In my mind it is so difficult, but I feel like I need to change that attitude, if I have no hope then it won't happen. So, I am gonna pretend like I am those people that lost a 100 lbs and need to lose only 25 more. LOL, maybe then it will trick my body into shedding "more" weight. Lol, idk, its motivation for me, Id rather believe that than say I only lost ten lbs over my max weight. If it will help me push myself, then I will do it, :).

I also want to include a list some of the things I want to improve in my life.... you can skip this lol, its like a reflection for me..

- 1st ---waking up more early. I have been starting to take responsibility over it the past week. I always wake up late in the morning, and I hate it! Because I begin my day stressed, and I don't eat breakfast or drink any water. tbh I am not feeling or looking my best in the morning, so I wanna change that. Last week I went to bed early, lol but I never could fall asleep till my usual sleeping time of 11 or 12 am. Idk, lol my circadian cycle needs some time to adjust.

-2nd-get smooth, glowing skin... lol idk but it has always been my dream, like I finally got my blemishes under control, but now I HAVE to have strawberry skin. If you don't know what it is, google up..keratosis pilaris... its basically your hair follicles getting stuck between the skin layers... anyways I always had it mildly as a child, but ever since I got to high school it got all crazy and is up on my legs and arms. WORST TIMING as a teenager, I can't wear shorts, short sleeves.. ugh, nothing, i used to cover it up with lotss of lotion, tanning spray but recently I have heard that stuff just makes it worse. soo over the summer I went to India, and they gave me this Ayurveda medicine. I haven't really been using it, :/, its medicine you take twice a day, but I only do it once. lol, I have seen improvement, but it definetly could have been better if I took it twice a day. I learned that body brushing is good in removing it, it takes time though and you need to do it everyday. I just started doing it regularly last week, and I can see the dry skin getting better. I also am trying to drink my eight glasses of water everyday. ---this takes commitment.
my other tricks are taking vitamins and eating more protein and vegetables.

-3rd-be less shy and less sensitive... zomg, lol eversince I have been to highschool, I got less social, I used to be more outgoing or least I tried to, but now I don't feel like that. I don't really know how I am gonna be less shy, but maybe I will start by talking to someone new everyday, no! making friends with someone new eveyday. i talk to random people but I never keep in touch with them, i am so bad at the long term part of relationships, I should improve that.

-4th- don't procrastinate... maybe all the problems in my life would be gone, if I didn't hold of things, lol I will never know if I don't try

-5th-be nicer to my parents, i hate that I am moody with them, idk why, but I need to stop being stupid. If you can't have a decent relationship with your family, you obviously won't have a good one with friends

-6th- have a closer relationship with God - I recently have this new found appreciation for him, I do pray every other day with my family, but I want to make that twice a day, and also not just be a close catholic, lol, I want to be holy in all parts of my life.

-7th- finall onnee..... lose this 20 pound shell I am in, lol its honestly more like a cocoon. Maybe I will be a beautiful butterfly on the outside or not, as long as I achieved something I have been working on forever. Its not all that important that I get down to my goal weight, but it will be like winning an award for something you love, its like having someone you love appreciate you...etc.. I don't really care if other people take notice, I just want to be healthy and be able to run around my neighborhood without feeling tired. lol, I don't want to settle for average, I want to be the best me.

On that note, I hope you guys have a good thanksgiving break, I mighhht post a blog later this week, but I think I will enjoy this long awaited break. I hope you all will too. I will have updates for all of my goals, and maybe achieve some in the near future..
Peace and love Cazzinator
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