Monday, November 19, 2012
Well, this is my first blog entry. I've been thinking about writing in some form, somewhere. I don't really know the correct place, given the circumstances, but when I noticed the blog tab on my sparkpage, I thought maybe this was an outlet I could utilize. Its been 12 days since my fiance broke up with me. That is the main thing going on in my life. But prior to the breakup, I had lost 10lbs through diet and exercise. I believe I have about 50 to lose total. I had been focusing on my fiance, worried about her mental well-being, our financial situation....all of these things took precedence over my personal fitness goals. She was unemployed for the past 2 months, I was paying for things. She has been perpetually depressed, I tried to make her happy.
I got home from a trip and that was it. She said it wasnt working out, that I hadn't done anything wrong but she wanted out. THere was no room for improvement, no option to see a counselor. It was just over. I moved out the next day and she has only contacted me once: to ask me to pick up her dog from the kennel. I couldn't help bc I was out of town.
I don't understand how you can change from being in a relationship...an engagement...with what I thought was my best friend...to nothing. No contact. No nothing. Its abandonment, and its pretty messed up.
I have nowhere to live, I'm staying with friends. I also can't really eat. When I get off of work, I convince myself that jogging will be better than being at my friends feeling sad. So, I go. Even if I cry while running.
So that's where I'm at. The diet I've always wanted, and the motivation to exercise.