Monday, November 19, 2012
I have noticed two things about myself and others around me.
The first being I compare myself to too many people around me as if I am in a huge competition. I have known this about myself for awhile now, but it stings even more now that half my friends are stay at home moms, and half are climbing their careers fields and some are just now realizing careers and babies are stressful and making priorities is a decision that's gonna show its ugly face to them too.
It leaves me feeling like I am not quite sure what my goals are because I am looking to them for direction when really I need to be looking at myself to find what makes me happy- not other people.
The second is I come from a family of "shoulds." What I mean by that is I always am hearing people around me use the word "should" when addressing weight loss. For example:
"We all should lose 20lbs"
"I should drink less Starbucks"
"I should get that new diet book"
"I should go to the doctor and check my blood sugars"
"I shouldn't go back for seconds" (but then they do anyway)
When did the word "should" become a word of action!?
If we continue to be people who simply "should" then we are never going to become people who ARE doing healthier things or being the person who says "I AM being healthier."
This form of self damaging procrastination is just spouting off that you are thinking about being healthier, but thinking does not lose the weight or help you become healthier. It also has surrounded our family with a bad bad history of yo-yo dieting where you lose some and then gain and feel like a failure.
These two realizations got me thinking. I always tell myself "I should be proud" of what accomplished, when really (instead of comparing myself to others) I need to realize what I AM proud of. So, I made a list of things that I am proud of. This list isn't to say that what I am proud of was the only way that something could've been accomplished. It's just a bit of self-bragging that I think we all need once in awhile and mine is overdue.
1. I graduated high school and did not find myself in bad relationships, or a single mom, or addicted to something. Actually, my good grades lent itself to some self-esteem that I was good at something.
2. I got accepted into a University (without community college needed to get my GPA up) and was able to gain my independence/rebellious streak without my parents looming over me.
3. I graduated from that college with a relatively good GPA, no academic probation and several positive letters of recommendation.
4. I impressed one of my first teaching mentors right outside of student teaching and that landed a job that taught me how to teach at-risk kids.
5. I was able to afford my own apartment and pay my own bills with my new teaching jobs. This enabled me to move out of a negative home experience and into a new experience with my then boyfriend who was a much needed stress reliever and best friend.
6. I taught inner city kids for 4 1/2 years gaining the students (and their parent's) respect and helping them succeed.
7. I was able to get pregnant after YEARS of telling myself it just wasn't going to happen because I was overweight. During that pregnancy, all bumps in the road caused by weight were handled responsibly and I was able to give birth to a healthy baby girl.
8. I was (and am) able to contribute to a positive and ever changing marriage to uphold our commitment to make it last.
9. I was able to admit when I needed help with anti-depressants, job changes, and taking steps to become a healthier person for myself and my family.
10. Lastly, I like to think that I can be proud of the positive attitude that I can share with other people having been raised with empathy, compassion, and a true sense that some people are less fortunate than me and we need to give back.
I guess I do have a lot to be proud of...and I didn't have to compare myself to anyone at all.