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Day 321 The Elephant in the Room

Monday, November 19, 2012

I don't know what my hang up is lately. I've been having serious emotional eating issues. I mean crazy issues. My eating has been so disordered that I can't bear to put it on the screen. I haven't had a huge problem with exercise. Just eating.

I know my desire to eat is not stemming from hunger. It isn't the typical late night, in front of the boob tube munch fest. I think they are coming from feelings of deprivation. Make no mistake. I am not in any way actually deprived.

I've also been feeling this huge pressure (since the beginning of my journey) to reach Onederland by the end of the year. As we get ever closer to the "end of the year," the feelings of disappointment and anxiety have increased. Please don't lecture me on this. I know. However, it doesn't change how I have in fact been feeling, no matter how irrationally. First, I gave up on my goal of Onederland by Dec 31. It became unrealistic. Then I decided to change the weight, but keep the date. So, I decided 20 pounds by December 21. My calorie range is too dang low. Let me clarify. Too dang low for me to maintain my freakin' sanity. 1200-1500 calories makes me want to pull my hair out. And eat everything and everyone in sight. It's not because I'm actually hungry. It's about options. I emotionally need options. If it gets to the point that I HAVE to eat 1200-1500 a day to lose weight, I'm totally screwed.

I updated my goals. 50 pounds by mid-June. I don't know that that is what will fix what ails me, but I'm going to give it a try. Right now I'm bare-knuckling it and I don't like it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1937 days ago
    I hear you, my friend! But, if it helps put things in perspective, I'm in AWE that you have lost over 70 pounds in less than a year. emoticon That is a tremendous accomplishment!

    The rest will come, because you know what you are doing. Your body is talking to you -- give yourself the chance to listen, and hear what it is saying. There is wisdom in our tissues.

    We're all here for you, and we're all in this together.

    emoticon emoticon
    1938 days ago
    You can do it one good choice then another. More good then bad chocies and you win :)

    As for the low calories I understand. I end up eating more then I should so I just burn more so I dont gain.

    Try to sign up for somthing you enjoy for me its basketball. I play 2 times a week and the whole day I can not wait till its time for basketball to see my friends(teamates)have fun.

    On the otherhand If someone told me I had to go to an actully gym I would spend the day dreading it and then I would phone it in at the gym (slack) do my time and run out of there. Leanding to skipping workouts.

    Find somthing that is FUN for you that happens to be active and you will win :)

    1938 days ago
    Take one day at a time, you can do this !!! emoticon
    1946 days ago
    It will work if you can stick the course! You can do it!
    1946 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    Hang in there, you can do this! I know we all wish it was easy but it isn't! So hang in there, you CAN do this. I like that you set a new goal that you can set your sights on for a longer term goal. Stick with that! YOU CAN DO THIS!

    1946 days ago
    Sometimes having a specific goal is mind is good but set one without an end date. For example, what if you just say to yourself "my next goal is 10 pounds" It is a small increment and you will get there. Plus, without a specific date then the pressure will be off. It's just a thought but it worked for me. Pressure and me - we're not really friends so I try to keep away from it.
    1946 days ago
    Almost all my eating issues are "deprivation" issues too. I totally get it! When I heard Hostess was closing (supposedly) I wanted to make a run on the store and I don't even LIKE eating that stuff anymore! I touched on the issue a little bit in my post (
    /2012/10/social-eating.html ) on my old blog. Thinking you can't have something can cause you to want it more!
    I agree that you know what to do, making your goal something smaller and more attainable. We're in this for the long-haul after all! I think of how many years it took me to put on this weight, and how it's just not feasible to expect to take it off in less than a year. And not healthy to expect it either! The biggest thing about getting healthy is not changing our food or exercise, but changing the thoughts in our heads that make us eat the way we do!
    I'm pulling for ya!!! Here's to the fact that you realize you have an issue and the willingness to explore it until you get it figured out!!!
    You deserve your own personal cheerleader! I'm rooting for you! emoticon
    ~ t.
    1947 days ago
    emoticon I definitely empathize because what you are talking about is something I have thought about. What if my recommended caloric intake gets so low that I don't feel like I can do it anymore? It's a hard place to be in. I wish I had a solution for you... but I guess all I can give you is a listening ear. I hope you are able to make peace with all of this!
    1947 days ago
  • SHOES17
    I have a question. Are you saying that you have trouble getting 1200- 1500 or staying in that range? That is the range I strive for most days. If I am exercising I flex between 1400 to 1700. There are times especially when I am not exercising that I fine it hard to get 1200 calories down. I know for some people that might seem weird. The fact is low isnt even the main problem. When my calories get low my nutritional balance gets all out whack. The main problem being my protein level. Instead of 60 -90 it dips really low like 16 or 20. I definitely wont fuss. I feel the funk too! I hadn't connected it with the end of the year. I had just connected it with life passing by so fast. I struggle with the question, "What is my purpose?" Hang in there! emoticon emoticon
    1947 days ago
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    1948 days ago
    1948 days ago
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