Monday, November 19, 2012
I have never been so discouraged. Its like, the more I try, the more I gain. I thought my new extra weight was muscle since I am working out even harder than ever. We run about 4-5 days a week and do strength once or twice a week. I am about to give up. It seems when I do, at least I don't gain weight. I am getting really depressed..I literally have never lost ANY weight and I have been trying for years. If I keep gaining at this rate, I am going to be seriously overweight by the time I am 30. I don't understand it.
I know that the drinking is to blame but it does seem weird that I am gaining considering I am drinking less than ever and exercising more than ever. I am counting calories again. I am seriously considering not eating breakfast if I am not hungry..it seems to be the only explanation for the weight gain. I am just so frustrated and hopeless right now, I am tired of trying this and trying that... nothing gives me any kind of results. I just get weight gain and injuries. I have been trying to stay positive (and if you knew me..you'd agree because I use to be a Debbie Downer) but I can only keep it up for so long.
I do have good news though. Although I am just getting fatter and fatter...this clean eating gave me a pretty awesome gift. I just had my first clean bill of health from the dermatologist..EVER. In 10 years, they have only given me bad news and this is the first time I walked out of there without any threat of cancer. I cried when I got in my car, it was such a relief to hear. This will be the first holiday season with no cancer, doctors, or hospitals since 2006.
Anyway, there it is.