Retirement...Funny or I have a warped sense of humor!!!
Monday, November 19, 2012
I received this today and just had to share. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.
Remember to hug your loved ones and share your smiles daily. A smile may just be what someone needs to make their day and it is so easy to share them. Share your smiles with those you see today and even when answering your phone. It does come across in your voice if you are smiling. Counting my blessings which are so very many...
Blessings, love and hugs,
PRAYERS and PRAYER WARRIORS
BLESSINGS AND ANSWERED PRAYERS
SMILES and HUGS
McKenzie who is feeling so much better and has her homework caught up from the missed school days!
Thankful for each new day that I am given!!!
Unexpected twists and turns in our lives
God is in the "miracle" business!!!
Ken's great report from the Cancer Center!!! 2 years cancer free!!! Thank you Lord!!!
Ken's back is healing nicely.
Thank you, Lord, for your guidance.
God bless the USA!!!
Too many positives and blessings to list them all here...Praise the Lord!!!