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    MOMMA_BEAR_69   329,562
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Retirement...Funny or I have a warped sense of humor!!!

Monday, November 19, 2012

I received this today and just had to share. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Retirement

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.


Remember to hug your loved ones and share your smiles daily. A smile may just be what someone needs to make their day and it is so easy to share them. Share your smiles with those you see today and even when answering your phone. It does come across in your voice if you are smiling. Counting my blessings which are so very many...
Blessings, love and hugs,
Helen

POSITIVES ALWAYS:
GOD
FAITH
HOPE
LOVE
FREEDOM
PRAYERS and PRAYER WARRIORS
BLESSINGS AND ANSWERED PRAYERS
SMILES and HUGS
ACCEPTANCE
McKenzie who is feeling so much better and has her homework caught up from the missed school days!
Thankful for each new day that I am given!!!
Unexpected twists and turns in our lives
God is in the "miracle" business!!!
Ken's great report from the Cancer Center!!! 2 years cancer free!!! Thank you Lord!!!
Ken's back is healing nicely.
Thank you, Lord, for your guidance.
God bless the USA!!!
Too many positives and blessings to list them all here...Praise the Lord!!!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYCECAIN 12/3/2012 6:32AM

    Happy for McKenzie. I loved your blog.

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I.M.MAGIC 11/29/2012 9:24PM

    I'm glad McKenzie is doing better...
Heard the story before, and it sounded familiar then, too: my ex used to turn on every tv and stereo in the electronics department... on different channels! LOL

Kathy emoticon emoticon

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JAXMOMMY 11/27/2012 3:56PM

    Hahaha! I've been reading this title and meaning to read this blog, but never found time until today! Some of these sound like fun! I must be warped too! Happy Thanksgiving & Merry christmas!

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LADYPIPPIE 11/25/2012 6:54AM

    emoticon

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RSSSLHB 11/23/2012 8:38AM

    emoticon

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_LINDA 11/21/2012 1:19AM

    emoticon
Love your list of postives as always Helen! Thanks for the grins!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LORRAINE10141 11/20/2012 2:03PM

    emoticon

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SHAWFAN 11/20/2012 8:57AM

    emoticon

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LOVESLIFE48 11/20/2012 7:13AM

    Love it!!!

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TWEETYKC00 11/20/2012 4:50AM

    love it, thanks for the laughs!

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123ELAINE456 11/20/2012 4:47AM

  I Love It. I can just see all of it going on. Very Funny. God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Week. Enjoy Today. Take Care. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. We have a lot to Be Thankful For This Year. God is Awesome.

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GHOSTFLAMES 11/20/2012 4:22AM

    I LOVED IT LOL

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DEE107 11/20/2012 12:11AM

    thanks for sharing oh my

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BALLOUZOO 11/19/2012 10:19PM

    Thanks for sharing!
can't share this with my husband~he might get "ideas"

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THROOPER62 11/19/2012 10:13PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FROSTY99 11/19/2012 10:11PM

    I could see my DH doing some of those! Maybe not so funny then. LOL

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JANIEWWJD 11/19/2012 9:57PM

    I have not laughed this much all week. This blog was HILARIOUS!!!! Women, leave your retired husbands at home!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/19/2012 10:00:06 PM

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DJ4HEALTH 11/19/2012 9:50PM

    emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 11/19/2012 9:41PM

    Thanks for the chuckle, I can just picture my hubby doing stuff like that!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PURPLESPEDCOW 11/19/2012 9:10PM

    well, I laughed at this the whole time thinking why did she take her husband with her?

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TRACYKHOLM45 11/19/2012 8:24PM

    Can't stop laughing! emoticon

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MILLISMA 11/19/2012 7:55PM

    Helen,

This is too funny and I must have a warped sense of humor right there with you.

Love your positives. emoticon

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RORYLYONS 11/19/2012 7:39PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MSLZZY 11/19/2012 7:14PM

    emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 11/19/2012 6:29PM

    Thats hillarious...
My humour must be warped too ..
Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 11/19/2012 4:07PM

    Reasons why DH is NOT retiring anytime soon!!

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IOEINC 11/19/2012 3:39PM

    Loved it. Very funny and made me laugh!!

Wonderful news for you and your hubby!!!

emoticon

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KNITTABLES 11/19/2012 3:14PM

    emoticon

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BARBARASDIET 11/19/2012 3:09PM

    ouch!

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SILVER1369 11/19/2012 2:24PM

    emoticon thanks I needed a good laugh today!

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WELLNESSME09 11/19/2012 2:13PM

    Love it, thanks for sharing! emoticon

Wishing you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving! emoticon emoticon

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EATVEGAN 11/19/2012 1:51PM

    Very funny...yeah, I'm a little warped. But my favorite part was your positives.

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PLAYBLUES22 11/19/2012 1:45PM

    emoticon

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MNNICE 11/19/2012 1:35PM

    Yep, I learned long ago -- best to leave my hubby home!

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ANDYLIN90 11/19/2012 1:28PM

    emoticon

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ALICIA214 11/19/2012 1:12PM

 
I have seen this before and since I am blessed with a weird sense of humour...it gives me the giggles every time cause along with my sense of humour I also have a vivid
imagination.

Thanks emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/19/2012 1:13:15 PM

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KMICHA 11/19/2012 1:12PM

    too funny!!! I loved it!!! Have a Happy Thanksgiving! emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 11/19/2012 1:01PM

    Oh how funny!!!

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MORTICIAADDAMS 11/19/2012 12:54PM

    Hilarious!!! LOL,

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SCHOOLCOOK2 11/19/2012 12:35PM

    That is the best! Made my day with a good laugh.

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NEW-CAZ 11/19/2012 12:26PM

    emoticon loved it!

Happy thankgiving emoticon

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