Day 153: Finally feeling real
Monday, November 19, 2012
Good morning everyone!
Just a relatively quick blog today because I'm still SWAMPED at work.
Had the strangest feeling last night. I turned over, went to scratch my back and came to a realization - there wasn't a roll where there was supposed to be one. This was the most surreal experience I've had in ages. The sort of feeling like "Huh."
It actually gave me pause.
There are bits of my body that I kind of 'check' if you know what I mean. I pinch the fat at my back just below my ribs. I feel the 'dent' in my thigh and the crease at my hips. I run my fingers along beneath my chin.
It sounds kind of creepy to admit to, though.
I mean, those are the places that I notice. The bits of myself where I wish I had less bits.
And I am.
I never thought I'd have less fat anywhere. I mean, it's one thing for my clothes not to fit (something I so desperately want to blame on their wearing out); but, it's another to not be able to physically grab places like I used to.
So, I guess I'm saying that it's finally starting to feel like I'm making progress. Physical progress. Visible progress. Like it or not, though, I still feel like I weigh 230 pounds. I still feel like I'm the size of someone who ought to be wearing a size 20 but squeezes into a size 18. I still feel obese. I still feel too 'big.'
I wonder when that feeling will go away.
So, on today's episode of 'Airing our Insecurities...'
I hope all of you have a fantastic day. If you're having unseasonably warm weather (like I am!) I hope you get to go out and enjoy it!