Monday, November 19, 2012
Day 10. The inevitable happened. I binged. I stopped each and every act (a.k.a. what I was attempting to binge on) but ended up going on to another thing hoping that it was going to be the thing that satisfied. Nothing did. The good news of this matter is that now all of the "what I thought would be" trouble foods (a.k.a. the sweets/grains that were still in the house) will be thrown into the garbage as soon as I wake up in the morning. Even what I had bought to make Xmas goodies for the neighbors (I have to give that some thought). I really hope I learned my lesson this time. I'm even throwing a seemingly innocent Trader Joe's pumpkin cheesecake in the trash. I haven't even had a bite of it. I cooked up the tray of stuffing that I was hanging onto thinking that it would be safe for me to make when I baked my turkey on Thursday. The majority of the bowl is sitting here on my coffee table and the smell of it is making me sick. It wasn't even that good. Hence why I stopped myself from eating past the top rim of the bowl. Tomorrow is going to suck coming down from all of this sugar and wheat that I ate tonight. Somehow though, I didn't end up polishing off anything that I began. Not the stuffing, not the M&M's, not the Hersey Kisses, none of it. (I logged what I did eat truthfully.) I just want to go to bed and wake up and pretend this never happened. I hate feeling like such a failure. It makes me mad. All I know is that when I wake up, besides having to throw all of this into the trash, what is mostly left in the house are things that can't be eaten without putting some preparation into it. The only thing that can be eaten 'as is' are nuts and dried mango slices. Tomorrow I plan to pick up a box of small baggies so that I can pre-package these things into single serve sizes. Hopefully this helps. I'm afraid it won't though. It sucks to feel so disappointed in yourself. The bright side to my demeanor, right now, is that the entire time I've been typing this I keep saying to myself.....tomorrow is a new day. Progress, not perfection. I know. I just need to dust this off and pick myself back up. Rome wasn't built in a day. I didn't gain it all overnight, I can't expect to lose it all in a week. I'm off to bed. Sorry for the sour blog.