Sunday, November 18, 2012
It's been over 3 weeks since I've updated my blog.
I am slowly recovering from my surgery, and I am
doing better physically. I can't say the same for my emotional health.
The holidays are the most stressful time of the year for me.
I have been fighting the urge to diet (and even purge at times)
for about 2-3 weeks now. Dieting is incompatible with recovering from an
eating disorder. I know that I can not diet if I want to get better and be free
of all my eating issues.
I'm 5'5 and 138 ponds, and I've finally come to realize that I don't need to
lose any more weight, and I don't have to keep trying to get the perfect body,
because there is no such thing as a perfect body. But when I see a magazine
cover or an article on weight loss it seems to trigger the urge to diet and it is
mentally draining. It's the reason why I haven't spent much time on Sparks
lately. I miss all my SP friends, but sometimes when I'm surfing around the
Sparks site I end up struggling even more. I'm hoping my brain and emotions
will calm down once the holidays are over.
I'm journaling and writing down what I eat, but I quit looking at calories and
nutrition info on the packaged food unless I'm looking at protein or iron content.
I'm still struggling with the scale and weighing everyday.
I really need take a vacation from my scale. I know it is making things worse,
but it is a very bad habit that I can't seem to break.
I guess I just wanted to let my SP friends know that I miss all of you
and I'm just working through some stuff right now.