Some work to do on feeling my self-worth is based on the scale
Sunday, November 18, 2012
I'm going to try to start blogging once a week with an aim of touching base with how I'm feeling on this journey. My highest weight was 256 and right now I am 180 1/2 lbs. I've recently started losing again after getting down to 172 in my tops group, gaining back up to 205, and now, working on losing the gained weight. I'm only 8 1/2 lbs from my lowest weight in my group, so, I've had some success. However, after feeling so elated 2 Tuesdays ago (the day I have my meeting) when I lost 1 1/2 lbs and got down to 179, I went to my meeting this past Tuesday and gained it back. I felt that I had "done everything right" and did not deserve it and have felt very depressed and disheartened. It was my first gain since July. I'm very hard on myself and my depression seems to be lasting this week as I see the scale is not going down but has edged up even a bit more. I've been tracking my food all week and this time, I have been within my 1200-1300 calorie range each day and exercising. My rational brain says "two weeks do not a weight loss plan make", but, emotionally, I feel overwhelmed. Also, I've recently started menopause, and, I think I'm a little freaked out when I read stories of people gaining weight after they start. I'm thinking YIKES.. I already have a problem.. Just venting a bit here. I'm usually a pretty positive person. I'm not ready to give up or eat over it..