Sunday, November 18, 2012
I cannot believe how sore my hamstring muscles are today. Every time I move or sit down I have to suppress a yelp of pain. They feel completely and utterly bruised. And it is totally my fault! On Friday, I spent a good two hours raking and bagging leaves, as well as trimming a lot of dead foliage. This involved lots of bending and squatting, which I am not very used to. I soaked for a long time in the tub after, but still, on Saturday, my hamstrings were very sore. And then I had to go and make it worse! Instead of giving my poor legs a break, I had to go and ride my stationary bike for 45 minutes at over 30 km/hr. I don't know what I was thinking! I am definitely paying for it today. I am in near agony every time my legs move. And the worst part is, now that I've further tore my muscles due to my foolishness, I will most likely not be able to do my bike for another few days until I recover. If only I had waited an extra day, I would have been fine. But no, silly me, I just had to go and make matters worse. I have definitely learned my lesson about overworking myself! Of course, I wish I didn't have to learn it the hard way.
Other than this pain, my weekend went mostly as planned. I got my work done, and I relaxed and slept plenty. I managed to read almost an entire book, which was divine. Only two things happened which kind of threw a wrench into my plans. The first was that, even though I had not wanted to see any friends or family at all this weekend, I decided to go out for dinner with my mother last night, as it was what would have been her 48th wedding anniversary with my dead father. She was understandably depressed, and so I thought spending the evening with her might help take her mind off of things. We went to a fish and chips restaurant. I was a little bit worried about what I was eating, but I skipped the chips and just had some coleslaw with my battered and fried basa fish. And boy, was it ever delicious! The taste of that light yet greasy batter just melted in my mouth. Of course, it wasn't the healthiest thing I could have eaten, but by watching what I ate very carefully the rest of the day I was able to keep everything but my sodium in check. I didn't even go over my recommended fat intake, which kind of surprised me. Overall, this week has been pretty good food and exercise wise, and I managed to lose a further two pounds, bringing me down to 156 lbs and a total weight loss of 71.5 lbs. When I started losing weight, my original goal was just to reach 150, which I am only 6 pounds away from. That is just crazy! I feel truly confident now that I will be able to reach my modified goal of 135, and I just might be able to do it by the beginning of March as planned. We shall see. I am keeping my fingers crossed, and I am going to keep on working damned hard at it!
The second, and more serious wrench, that was thrown into my relaxing weekend was from my boyfriend. He was away at his parents' place this weekend, and I was not planning on seeing him until today. So I get an email from him last night where he asked me, very succinctly, if I could really see us together in the future. When I read these words, my stomach dropped right into my toes. But as jarring as this email was, it did not really take me by surprise. We've been together for over ten years now, and we have always had our little struggles, but things have been changing more rapidly as of late. So tonight we're going to have a "talk", and I really don't know what the outcome of it will be. We've never had a conventional sort of relationship, so I honestly can't picture what our future will be like together. What I do know for sure is that I will always love him and I will always want him in my life. But as for whether or not we will remain together as a couple, I don't know. I'd like to write that we will try and work things out, but we have tried so many time before. Something seems different about this time, more final. So could this be the beginning of the end? Potentially. My heart is breaking as I write this, but I have to face this as bravely and as rationally as possible. I am terrified of what tonight might bring. So if I'm not around for the next little while, it's because I've buried my head in the sand trying to work through my broken emotions. Hopefully it won't get to that point, but at the moment I really don't know. I just don't know.