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Sunday, November 18, 2012

This week is going to be so hard for me. Tears are flowing into my keyboard.

This is the first Thanksgiving without my Mom. This morning I felt like I was forgetting something. Then it dawned on me, I was waiting for my Mom to call and tell me not to forget to take the turkey out of the freezer. You see, I have been hosting the family and extended family Thanksgiving dinner at my house for a very long time, and my Mother was my co-host. She helped me organize and make everything. She taught me all the family recipes.

My family decided they would rather not come to my house this year because it would be too painful. So, I have no turkey to take out of the freezer and my heart is breaking. She would be so mad at us. She is crying in heaven.

It has been decided that I will be going to my in-laws for dinner. This is the very last thing I want to do. I will not be able to fake my sadness. I just want to run all day on Thursday. I want to run as fast as I can away from my sadness.

I miss her. Now and forever. Not just during the holidays but especially during the holidays. She loved Thanksgiving and Christmas and always made them special.

Will a Thanksgiving or Christmas ever be as happy without her??

I always end my blogs with a picture of a butterfly. I found a picture today of a Monarch with a broken wing. I still love this butterfly, even if it is flawed and has a broken wing. She can still fly, just not as gracefully as her sisters.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    RIDMYCOCOON said what I feel, too. Although my grief has just begun, I know it will get better in time, as I learn to handle those situations and places, triggers and grief upsurges. *hugs*
    1405 days ago
    I am so sorry. Sounds like your mom is part of so many great memories. I hope that in time you all will be able to again celebrate and her memory in celebrating will comfort you and your family.
    1408 days ago
  • MELLIE1030
    I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry you don't have your Mom here, but she is always with you. I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving. emoticon
    1408 days ago
    I'm sorry about the strong feelings of missing your mother you are having. Please try to stay open to enjoying a new type of holiday experience (s) for yourself while keeping your memories in your heart (where they will always gold). Hope you feel better soon.. :) emoticon
    1408 days ago
    I know how you feel. I really do. I am so sorry for your loss. I can honestly tell you that it does get better. It never goes BUT it does get better. She is in your heart and with you always. And that bond becomes stronger in some ways. Embrace yourself and you will embrace her.

    You dont know me and I am terribly sorry if I have offended you with my forwardness. I couldnt help it. Please forgive me if I have.

    If not - I would love to be friends emoticon
    1409 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/18/2012 11:02:28 AM
  • LAURIE5658
    I lost my mom to breast cancer April 2008 and the holidays were so very hard. I have found however that with time, a new normal emerged and it has gotten easier. Will it ever be the same? Will it ever get easy? For each person, it is different and only time will tell. Until the time that you discover your new normal, may your heart be lightened with your mother's enduring love and the precious memories you hold close to your heart.


    1409 days ago
    Thanks for sharing
    1409 days ago
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