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BETH150
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Mad Lady on the Loose! I'm regaining control!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

When I am upset I clean & organize. When I am really super upset I clean & organize like a crazy women! ;)

I have always been like this, since I was a teenager.
Since my spine injury my clean like a fean days have been quite limited.

So I guess I am in a rage lol as I have cleaned & organized like a fean again today! The first time in a very long time. OMG - it feels sooooo good. Hurts like a itch but inside me I feel good!!! :)

Since getting both knees replaced on the same day in March of 2011 my home has been horrible! I do mean horrible! Total chaos!
I use to keep it super clean & organized.

This cleaning process is bringing me back to life again! I am feeling in control more & more with each passing hour.

I am cleaning up messes, organizing, taking names & laying down the LAW! lol ;) Told hub today "your pig sty days are over dude, I am back & I am pissed! His response was "what can I do to help" LOL - smart man! ;)

I have regained all my lost weight & an additional 30 lbs this past 1 1/2 yrs plus have allowed a LOT of emotional baggage to be dumped on me I never would have tolerated before.

If you read my last blog (the raw & ugly one) I want you to know that I am spilling my guts come Monday when we go in to meet with the team.

I read all your responses & was like "so it is not me after all. why that jerk"! Use me as your dumping ground will ya - HA! Not any more! Not going to use my home as a dumping ground either!

I did a lot of thinking & realized that the 7 weeks I was totally helpless while in a hospital bed recovering from my knees being replaced he wore me down little by little by little each day. Day in & day out. In the 7 weeks he made me a grand total of 3 meals! Instead I was fed take out, delivery, and the junk he brought home. When I was finally feeling better & walked around our home I was shocked! It was like not even my home anymore. He had turned it upside down in those 7 weeks. I was doing ok but between my new knees and my spine injury I knew I could never tackle this house myself & he refused to help. I just put blinders on & there they stayed (kind of) until today.

Be it right or be it wrong I have always felt better about myself, weight loss, my job, my life when my home is cleaned & organized. He KNOWS this about me. I have heard him tell this to many people over the yrs.

So weather it was done subconsciously or other wise - this was another way for him to steal my power. He will never admit it but he hates me being strong, powerful & successful. I have always suspected this.

BUT I digress, this is not a itch or a vent post/blog. It is a VICTORY post!

I'm on my way back!!!! emoticon

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