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    BETH150   1,826
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Mad Lady on the Loose! I'm regaining control!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

When I am upset I clean & organize. When I am really super upset I clean & organize like a crazy women! ;)

I have always been like this, since I was a teenager.
Since my spine injury my clean like a fean days have been quite limited.

So I guess I am in a rage lol as I have cleaned & organized like a fean again today! The first time in a very long time. OMG - it feels sooooo good. Hurts like a itch but inside me I feel good!!! :)

Since getting both knees replaced on the same day in March of 2011 my home has been horrible! I do mean horrible! Total chaos!
I use to keep it super clean & organized.

This cleaning process is bringing me back to life again! I am feeling in control more & more with each passing hour.

I am cleaning up messes, organizing, taking names & laying down the LAW! lol ;) Told hub today "your pig sty days are over dude, I am back & I am pissed! His response was "what can I do to help" LOL - smart man! ;)

I have regained all my lost weight & an additional 30 lbs this past 1 1/2 yrs plus have allowed a LOT of emotional baggage to be dumped on me I never would have tolerated before.

If you read my last blog (the raw & ugly one) I want you to know that I am spilling my guts come Monday when we go in to meet with the team.

I read all your responses & was like "so it is not me after all. why that jerk"! Use me as your dumping ground will ya - HA! Not any more! Not going to use my home as a dumping ground either!

I did a lot of thinking & realized that the 7 weeks I was totally helpless while in a hospital bed recovering from my knees being replaced he wore me down little by little by little each day. Day in & day out. In the 7 weeks he made me a grand total of 3 meals! Instead I was fed take out, delivery, and the junk he brought home. When I was finally feeling better & walked around our home I was shocked! It was like not even my home anymore. He had turned it upside down in those 7 weeks. I was doing ok but between my new knees and my spine injury I knew I could never tackle this house myself & he refused to help. I just put blinders on & there they stayed (kind of) until today.

Be it right or be it wrong I have always felt better about myself, weight loss, my job, my life when my home is cleaned & organized. He KNOWS this about me. I have heard him tell this to many people over the yrs.

So weather it was done subconsciously or other wise - this was another way for him to steal my power. He will never admit it but he hates me being strong, powerful & successful. I have always suspected this.

BUT I digress, this is not a itch or a vent post/blog. It is a VICTORY post!

I'm on my way back!!!! emoticon

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EGRAMMY 11/30/2012 8:37PM

    emoticon You'll get there and it will be worth the trip

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LISA_SUMNER08 11/19/2012 10:58AM

    I'm glad you decided to spill your guts. You shouldn't have to feel the way you were feeling and he should be ashamed of making you feel this way. Glad you are standing up for yourself!

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PMFISH 11/18/2012 1:57PM

    Glad you are getting so much better. I have had to turn a blind eye for over a year now and do not see any end in sight. I do what I can and then let it go. Determined it will not make me sick, just get stronger. Have a great weekend.

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LYNNA1968 11/18/2012 10:36AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
way to kick ass & take your life back! HIGH FIVE!

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TATTER3 11/18/2012 9:44AM

    I wish I was there...I'd give you the biggest hug!!! I'm in the process myself!!!

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SUSANS706 11/18/2012 9:29AM

    I am also a cleaner and organizer! It stresses me out when everything is messy!!

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DR1939 11/18/2012 9:16AM

    emoticon

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SLIMMERKIWI 11/18/2012 2:57AM

    GOOD FOR YOU! I'm glad that you have decided to spill your guts, too :-) Between your laying down the law, and the spilling your guts, he might get the idea and pull his finger out a tad!

Kris xx

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JO88BAKO 11/18/2012 12:15AM

    Glad you are feeling a bit better. Getting both knees replaced is a big deal. I can't imagine the discomfort from that. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

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JENNYBOYKIN 11/18/2012 12:13AM

    I also love cleaning and organizing when I'm upset or something. I dont know what it is but it always puts me in a better mood.=) emoticon

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