Saturday, November 17, 2012
How grateful am I for all that I have? How do I begin to show the thanks for this life of mine? This life that has seen things that I would wish on no one, and this life that has seen things that I wish everyone could experience. This is the time of year where we naturally start thinking a bit more of everything we are thankful for. For me, I automatically think of my children. My 2 bundles of joy that I'm so darn proud of. What amazing people they have become. It excites me to see what they will do in their future and I look forward to it so much. My London Love who makes me laugh, who showers me with kindness and the love I'd hoped to find for many years. He is living proof that there really are good men out there!! He's my gem and I am so grateful for all he is.
This year my thankfulness took a different angle though. I'm a firm believer in working through the cobwebs of the past, understanding them, trying to find reasons for them, and working on making peace and laying them to rest. I always stopped at forgiving them though.
I read a very interesting article about a runner who suffers from piriformis syndrome and he visited a doctor who had helped a few of his friends overcome hip and leg pain and were able to run as much as they wanted. The doctor's theory was one that said that the pain he was feeling was merely the subconscious holding onto something that needed to be worked out and if he focused on discovering what these things were, that he would be free from the pain. As the story went, it worked for him after he did some soul searching and found some fears that were bottled up inside and he ran without pain...as much as he wanted.
It made me think of the things I hold inside that really need to get out, because they are not doing me any good in there. Whether they are causing leg/piriformis pain or not, I haven't quite decided on that one yet. But I did discover a big fear and that fear was forgiveness. Forgiving someone for cruelty doesn't sound fair to me. I've always seen it as if I'm "letting it slide." I forced myself to see it differently this time though. The forgiveness is simply making peace with it within myself. It is not something I'm shouting out for him to hear. But I sure did feel better when I did it. I also had the best run I've had in a very long time, so maybe there is something to this man's theory.