When did I become the parent and my dad become the kid?

Saturday, November 17, 2012

My dad is having a tough time with my mom gone, he's not eating correctly and he's a diabetic so it concerns me a lot! My nephew lives right upstairs with his wife and you'd think they'd make sure he eats SINCE HE PAYS FOR ALL THEIR BILLS ON A FIXED INCOME!
I was at Sam's with him and it was almost 6pm and he's telling me he didn't eat all day! I'm like dad you can't do that... he was so hungry he ate right there a hot dog they sold at cafeteria in Sam's...
I felt like the parent scolding him and he ate it quickly as if he was a child. My heart was just breaking cause I can't get over there often cause of the Fibro and the weather know is really making it act up. But there are two adults that live right there and don't do anything for him, my brother a block away and doesn't do anything!
I feel like I'm scolding him to eat good , like when I was a child I'd be scolded to eat good by him. He knows he can come to my house and someone will go help him (mostly my son, cause I'm usually down for the count) he has no one else to count on and I feel so bad.
I don't know what to make of things, he says my nephews wife has made the bed a few times since mom died and vacuumed a few times... big deal so did i but when we were at Sam's club he wanted to buy her a 900 minute phone card to call portugal... I said you do enough for them u pay all their bills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it's not like she does it everyday...
He thanks her and said to me oh she's like a second daughter , ya the same girl that was going to kick his and my moms butt out to the curb 2 weeks before she died!
Here I am hurting for money and he wants to help the two that both have jobs and he's already paying water, electric, cable and heat for , go figure??????????????
They don't even care if he has water or milk in the house, just so digusted!
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  • GAYLEP67
    My Dad passed away 4 weeks ago and he was my Mom's primary caregiver as she is not mobile (needs a wheelchair). Since my Dad passed, my husband and I have uprooted our lives and moved in with my Mom so she could stay in her own home. You are very right about how things change. Mom looks to me for her decision making a lot and it saddens me a bit but I'm quite willing to do whatever it takes to keep her happy and as healthy as possible. It's unfortunate that your relatives don't look after your Dad a little better. Just do what you can do and take comfort in the good person that you are. I am living my life without regrets where my Mom is concerned and when I do lose her one day, I'll be able to look myself in the mirror and know that I did right by her. You will be able to do the same...
    1828 days ago
  • BOSS61
    It's the mark of a good child to become the parent of your parent, as they get on in years. It's called F-A-M-I-L-Y. Hang in there.

    Hey also, cannot resist, how did 69 wins and last place feel this year? I'll tell ya, the playoffs were fun and had we hit even a little, the magic could have continued. At least the Tigers bounced the Skankees...
    1828 days ago
    PS I wouldn't spend another stressful minute on the live-in relatives. They are not important. You are important. Your family is important. Your dad is important.
    1828 days ago
    In my experience, we are all children and adults at the same time. It's just that sometimes we are more needy than others.

    You know how kids go to the parent they think will respond with a "yes?"

    That might be the kind of thing your dad is doing. He senses it is pointless to go to the others in his need.

    It will probably take a little more effort, but can you do anything to help dad cope better with life? I don't know what the thing would be, but a key daily activity that might help him start coming up out of the depths of depression.

    Fly Lady (team on SP) has us shine our kitchen sink. Daily before going to bed so we see that in the morning. And the desire to have the rest of our lives and homes shines spreads until my day is shining as long as I shine my sink.

    Different group of people–different problem, but I find myself looking for what I now think of as the lynchpin activity. What little think can I do that will make the rest fall into place.

    It's not always easy to think of that one little thing, but it usually comes on a walk when I'm not even worrying or stressing over the "big" problem.

    You are the child he is turning to. I don't know you, but your must have qualities that make dad feel loved when he is around you.
    1828 days ago
    I can relate. Sounds like my family. I take care of my mother & grandmother in my grandmothers house. My brother & nephew are also here, but they just make a mess. Don't clean up after themselves. My brother has absolutely trashed our grandmothers property. He asks mother for money even though she's on a fixed income. Their idea of helping gramma when she goes to the bathroom is to walk her to the door & sending her in by herself. Great idea for a 97 yr old diabetic with dementia & poor balance! Not!! Mother would eat doughnuts & eclairs several times a week if I let her. I recently heard him telling our nephew that he's going to try & get his name on the house title. I've got to find an attorney, or someone, to talk to. The APS woman suggested getting a restraining order to have them removed from the property. I'm not looking forward to the upcoming battle, but someone has to protect mother & gramma.
    1828 days ago
  • JENAE954
    Its not easy when role reversal takes place.
    I wish you the best.
    1828 days ago
    Oh my gosh YOU and I are living the same lives

    My sisters put the FUN in dysfunctional - at least my Dad does take good care of himself and I live next door but he recently fell on uneven pavement at an unmarked construction site and busted up his hand and split his head open NEITHER sister came to the ER or helped me -


    REMEMBER THAT - sending you a hug and a prayer

    1828 days ago
    as always you are in my prayers!
    1828 days ago
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