"""I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters"""...Metallica
I was walking today, and this song came on my playlist, and I never had really listened to it as intently as I did today.
When I walk, the music I hear plays a big role in my mood for the day, somedays, and lately it seems to be more dark, brooding, intense focusing music.
To dig down deep into my psyche and soul and search for what it is I need to release.
But today this song came on, and all the thoughts running thru my head, about life, about bad feelings, whatever it was....drifted up and out of me and away, floated up into the atmosphere, and I really heard this song.
The reason I was walking, the reason I always walk, the reason I have walked every day and the reason I eat healthy now and try to keep my mind focused on this Spark Life, is FOR ME, AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.
I am doing this, healthy living, changes, to prolong my life, to be healthy, to lose weight, to try to live a better life than I did for the first 44 years of my life.
The future, and nothing else matters.
I am not doing it for anyone, although, I do want to be around for my son, and maybe when he ever gets married and has kids, for that family too.
I want to be able to grow old, and do it a little more healthy than I might have before.
And nothing else matters.
People who come and go from our lives, the ones who go, let them if they must.
Dont try to hold them.
They have their reasons for needing to go.
The jobs we lose, the friends who move on, the relationships that mold us, for good or for bad.
The memories, both good and bad, the ones we long to dream about and the ones we dread to even think about.
They will be with us thru time, if our minds stay sharpe. Nothing we can do about that.
Learn from the mistake and choose your battles.
Today, I decided, that I am the most important thing, my weight loss, my health, my good feelings and thoughts and the people I love, who also love me.
And nothing else matters.
Today, I was just really thinking about my son and the words they use in NA, JUST FOR TODAY.
Because I have been so focused on next Wed and my docs appt and hoping the scale will be where I want it to be.
But after hearing that song and deciding, right now, this walk, this hour, on the walking track, burning calories and soaking up the sun and listening to music and thinking and letting go of bad feelings and holding on to the good ones....that moment, was all that mattered.
I will get thru this day and I will have it made.
Then tomorrow, I will do it all over again.