Saturday, November 17, 2012
Oh my, oh my! I've gone from being fairly disinterested in food to having periods in the day...usually late afternoon and evening...when I feel the obsession with food is back, and I'm acting on it! My skinny jeans are feeling a tad uncomfortable these days, and the holidays aren't even here yet!
My take on this is always that it's not about the food. It's not so much what I'm eating, but what's eating me. The puzzling part of this is that I seldom know what's eating me. Life is good. All I experience is the urge to eat. When I stop to consider, and think about what I'm feeling I go back to the knowledge that there are only two choices here...love or fear...and if I'm feeling the urge to eat, it's probably some form of fear, and since I've been maintaining my weight loss for some time, the most likely fear to crop up for me is the fear of being, or acknowledging, all that I can be. Something like the fear of success. Sounds strange, since that's what most of us say we want, but if I've spent my whole life feeling crummy about myself for being fat, dumb, untalented, unloved, you name it...then success is going to be pretty threatening.
So I woke up today with the determination to do something about this. This is my first step. Fessing up to what I've been doing. Next I will (it is so tempting to say 'try to' in here...but I don't say that any more. Either I'm going to do it or I'm not. There is no 'try to.') so I will become more conscious of my relationship with food. I love making conscious decisions. I feel like I am in alignment when I am making conscious decisions. My mental, physical and spiritual components are all working together. I can often come into alignment simply by closing my eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths. I love making healthy moderate choices about food. i love how I feel when I've eaten well and stopped before I'm full. I love it when I can pull on my skinny jeans and they fit perfectly. I love knowing I'm at my best when I let myself be all that I can be.