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I remember back when I was an old lady...

Friday, November 16, 2012

... back when I was much older than I am now. I felt disabled though I could still walk. I felt like each night when I went to sleep, I might never wake up. I felt like there would be grandchildren I would never get to see. I was settling into a life of pain and suffering for the remainder of whatever time I had left.

Then one day, I snapped out of it.

This picture, I can't believe I am sharing, was probably my all time high. It was my daughter's graduation from college. I remember I did not want to go because I had nothing to wear. I was also ashamed of how heavy I had become and I did not want to be an embarrassment for my daughter. But somehow I managed to go out and buy an old lady outfit & some old lady shoes so my feet wouldnt hurt. I wanted to share her joy but I really would rather have stayed home waiting for my heart attack to come get me.

I thank God every day that He has seen fit to keep me around a little bit longer. I am glad He helped me to find the courage to go, via my husband probably. And while I hate these images & memories of myself, I am glad to have some kind of documentation of my life here on this earth, and life with my family. I have spent the majority of the last 20 years hiding from the camera. Hiding from family and family functions. Hiding from friends. Hiding from myself. Hiding from Life. It is as if I wanted to be non-existent. But I don't want that any longer. Though I am far from where I want to be, I am better than I was a year ago, and I want to try to make myself more present in pictures - more present in Life.

I will have to practice the fine art of taking cell phone pictures in the mirror, but here is my first attempt last night.

Here we have me when I was a fat old lady:


And here are a couple I tried to take last night. Sorry so dark and I don't know how to use my phone. I will practice more :)


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XENATHOMAS 11/19/2012 10:25AM

    You are awesome!!!! Great job.

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BESSHAILE 11/19/2012 6:47AM

    sorry - no way you can make me think you're an old lady - even in the before photo you look like a sister, not a mother.

And just think how much fun the holidays will be this year - with your new slim prettiness

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PAULAROCKS3 11/18/2012 7:02PM

    You look beautiful! emoticon

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ILIKETOZUMBA 11/18/2012 5:06PM

    OMG I used to hide from friends, family, and cameras too! I didn't want to see the proof of my size in photos, and I didn't want my family and friends to see how big I kept getting and think about them potentially talking about it behind my back...it was horrible.

Isn't it wonderful to take your life and your health back into your own hands instead of waiting for that heart attack?? :) Congratulations - you look AMAZING!!!! No more "old lady" clothes for you!

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 11/18/2012 2:11AM

    Great job! You look wonderful! emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 11/18/2012 12:41AM

    Wow - big difference! You are growing younger every day!

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HICKOK-HALEY 11/17/2012 11:32PM

    I can see the difference. Good for you. You look great. Love you cowgirl hat. I need one!!

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ANGIEN9 11/17/2012 10:55PM

    emoticon

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68ANNE 11/17/2012 9:36PM

    wow just wow

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GLORYTOGLORY 11/17/2012 8:39PM

  wow you are doing awesome emoticon

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NORWOODGIRL 11/17/2012 8:39PM

    Congratulations. Your progress is awesome !!! emoticon

Glad that you are still around emoticon

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SHANSHE 11/17/2012 7:31PM

    I agree with everyone else... you aren't an old lady anymore!!! Happy for you!
Shan

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JUMPINJULIE 11/17/2012 5:05PM

    You look really good. emoticon .

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RONNIEHUEY 11/17/2012 1:24PM

    You look awesome

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ORCHIDLADY56 11/17/2012 1:20PM

    Wonderful progress! hey - I don't see any old lady in that mirror!

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NELLJONES 11/17/2012 10:54AM

    Wasn't there a song "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now"? by the Byrds?

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KJELLYBEAN15 11/17/2012 10:54AM

    You sure aren't an old lady anymore! Way to go - you are so awesome.

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JANEMARIE77 11/17/2012 10:43AM

    it is wonderful to be and feel alive

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RIDMYCOCOON 11/17/2012 10:20AM

    Holy smokes, Gurl! Far from old!! emoticon You are one fine spring chicken! I know what you mean tho...I am stoked that you had an epiphany and congrats for saying YES to life!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Grandbabies will be too!!! I am so happy for you!

Comment edited on: 11/17/2012 10:22:02 AM

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MOWINELADY 11/17/2012 10:17AM

    Thanks for a great blog. emoticon

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LISAN0415 11/17/2012 9:36AM

    Looking great, and thanks for having the courage to share your story!

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SHARJOPAUL 11/17/2012 8:56AM

    Amazing what a change in attitude as well as helth and weight you have made.

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CHANGING4ME49 11/17/2012 6:12AM

    Great blog! It was as if your words were my own. Thanks for sharing!

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JULIA_211 11/17/2012 6:00AM

    What a great blog! You said many things that I can relate to. You're doing great! emoticon

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MERRY_XMAS 11/17/2012 5:30AM

    You are doing great! What a transformation!
Well done!!!
emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 11/17/2012 4:38AM

    Great job making the change! You are showing the work and effort you're making and it is amazing. Keep up the great work. Your lifestyle change is a testament to anyone who wants to change. It IS possilbe. What an inspiration.

I feel healthier, more energetic now than I felt in my 20s. Healthy lifestyle makes a difference!

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HISTORYRUNNER 11/17/2012 3:09AM

    You're on an awesome journey. Keep on rolling ("rolllin' rollin')!

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FEMISLIM 11/17/2012 1:58AM

    You have done real good!

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LYNNWILK2 11/17/2012 12:22AM

    How absolutely amazing and courageous and strong a young woman you've become... the fact that you fought through the "waiting to die" mode is itself so miraculous and difficult.
Your blog is wonderful!!
Thank you so much for the inspiration! and KEEP GOING!

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DS9KIE 11/16/2012 11:18PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TIMOTHYNOHE 11/16/2012 10:55PM

    So now that you lost all that weight you have this bight light in all your pictures. Is that because you now sparkle so much?

Seriously, I was just recalling my dad at my age. He was really old! I am only 59. He died before his 62nd Birthday. I refuse. But I am younger now than I was at 54 when I was at my heaviest. What brought up that memory was my parents 70th anniversary. Mom has reach 34 years without Dad. They were married for 36 years (almost 37) at his death. She(WMBO) and I have been married 39. I never looked at it like that before. But I ramble.

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 11/16/2012 10:52PM

    What an awesome transformation! Great job! :)

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MORTICIAADDAMS 11/16/2012 10:30PM

    Amazing transformation. You look hot now! I bet your hubby is quite happy. LOL. Your daughter is also beautiful.

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HDHAWK 11/16/2012 9:44PM

    Congrats! You've made great progress! I was nearly at goal and am now 10 lbs. over my start weight. I feel much older than i did then. My youngest child graduates from high school in May so I have to get in gear!

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KAPELAKIN 11/16/2012 9:42PM

    Way to go! Now I understand what Bob Dylan meant when he sang "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."

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TRUNKJUNK 11/16/2012 9:41PM

    Healthy does makes us look and feel younger.

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FUSIONFITNESS3 11/16/2012 9:09PM

    Isn't it great to feel so much younger because you are healthier. Before I started this journey I was hearing myself so often saying, "Oh, this stiff old body..." and believing and accepting that this was the way it would be for me as I continued to age. Now I know I was fooling myself and like you feel much younger again.

By the way, though you are still learning to take photos in the mirror your pictures show a fabulous waistline. You're looking great. Keep at it. You can do this for you.



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GOOZLEBEAR 11/16/2012 9:07PM

    You look wonderful, such a beautiful lady! Thanks for sharing your pictures and your blog!!! emoticon emoticon

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DORAL33178 11/16/2012 8:46PM

    I know the "old lady" feeling you are talking about. I have always been thin....until I had two children. I always wore clothes in the single digits and one day I had to buy a dress for a wedding and I had to go into the double digits. I knew then, I had to lose weight.

Congrats on your weight loss!! Looking great emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/16/2012 8:47:01 PM

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GABY1948 11/16/2012 8:18PM

    You look MAHVELOUS! emoticon

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MISSKELEBEK 11/16/2012 8:14PM

    emoticon You are looking younger and hotter!!!!!!! You will only keep getting younger and hotter to now that your on a healthy path. emoticon emoticon

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SKEETOR 11/16/2012 8:12PM

    emoticon

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DIANER2014 11/16/2012 8:05PM

    You look great! Keep up the awesome job! emoticon emoticon

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PEZMOM1 11/16/2012 7:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OKBACK2ME 11/16/2012 7:45PM

    emoticon

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CLPURNELL 11/16/2012 7:43PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LISBETHSALANDER 11/16/2012 7:16PM

    How well put! You look fantastic. So glad you are reaping the healthy benefits, too. Thanks for the inspiration today.

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SVELTEWARRIOR 11/16/2012 7:02PM

    You really hit a nerve today. I have felt just like like that!!!! I am glad the good Lord kept you around also!!!! By the way you look great!!!!!

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FORMERFATGUY777 11/16/2012 6:38PM

    Boy can I relate to where you were at. I living my life wondering how soon I'd have a heart attack. I appreciate your honesty and your sharing very much. Thank You. And Your doing awesome.

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LABRATIAM 11/16/2012 6:37PM

    emoticon

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