I've been MIA for a week or so now, still here, and spying on all-a-y'all, just quiet. No reason really, just quiet.
Everything is going smoothly, I'm up to 154lbs now, so up 16lbs total and at 26 weeks that's great. I want to gain a max of 35lbs this pregnancy, so I'm right about halfway there. It's coming on nice and slow now, not like when I gained 10lbs in 2 weeks then maintained it. I'm a solid 0.75-1lb per week gain, which is great.
Mostly, I'm attributing it to the fact that although I am still watching my eating habits, I am regularly eating over 2100 cals now. I'd say my average is now closer to 2400. And that's a-okay by me, as long as my attitudes around food stay healthy and I'm achieving my "lightbulb" goals daily.
And then one day... I didn't.
I had achieved all my lightbulb goals on Wednesday. Easy enough - I had worked a nightshift Tuesday night, so lots of veggies and fruit and fiber before the afternoon even (as I count from midnight to midnight).
Automatically I have "permission" to go much above range due to being awake more hours of that day when I'm switching back to days.
Brad and I were sitting down to play some Settlers of Catan, and had just had a very healthy supper. I had bought Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos a few days prior, and so far had only had one 50g serving a few days before that.
I wanted some on Wednesday night. So I poured a 50g bowl and had a can of Zevia soda (soda with zero calories - sweetened with stevia instead of aspartame). It was great!
As we were playing our game, we were talking about our week (we don't really see each other much when I am on my work days), and I was telling Brad about a ton of drama and things that had been pissing me off at work. As I'm getting angrier, I'm getting "hungrier".
I finished my first bowl of cheetos, and went back for another 80g serving. Brad doesn't say anything.
I polish that off in record speed. Inhaling, actually. Might have licked the bowl. I stand up, shout "Screw it! These are not safe in my house, apparently! I'm finishing them TONIGHT!" and proceeded to grab the bag and dump it into the bowl (still using the scale of course).
Brad says (shouts, yells, raises eyebrows and such) "Put those away". I ask - "do you mean all of them, or just the ones in the bowl?"
"All of it. Back in the bag. Close the bag clip. Put them back in the cupboard."
Well, at this point I'm STEAMING peeved. Not at Brad. At me - I have not had an emotional eat like that in nearly a year!! I have all the excuses in the world for it - pregnant, overtired from shifts (which always translates into extra hungry), you name it.
I had a minor flip out in the kitchen, Brad just stayed at the table waiting for me to come back. I calm down, look through the peek-through window, and say "I should throw these out, shouldn't I?"
Brad responds, "Do what you need to do to get some control back. It's one thing to eat when you are physically hungry, or binge on something with some kind of nutrition - even ice cream would be better. But those are pure crap."
So I tossed them in the bin.
Brad has never "grown a pair" like that before. I was pretty impressed. I immediately felt much better, and we talked about it. After our game was over, I sat down to track it on Spark. Brad was tidying up the dishes. I did something I never thought I would have to do (again).
"Brad, when I tossed the Cheetos in the garbage, I'm pretty sure the bag is still intact and they're safe. I'm off tomorrow and you won't be here. Can you please reach in the garbage and dump them in?"
Of course, he did it for me.
So that was Wednesday.
Yesterday, we hit up Costco to restock our freezer with meat. I love the Costco ice cream cones, so because my lightbulb goals were all met already that day, I had one. Sooooo good!!!! We finish our Costco run, do a bit more shopping. As we were leaving the shopping area, I say to Brad "I know we bought that cooked chicken to have for supper, but can we get McDonald's instead? Or at least get fries from there to go with it?"
His flat, plain, very authoritative response: "No. I'm making rice and you are chopping veggies for Greek salad."
Ok, Mr Bossypants
Brad opened up and told me that he has seen me change so much in the last year, and he's been so blown away by it, he reminded me "Pregnancy isn't a free-for-all. Yeah, you can loosen up a bit, but I know when you are eating for food and when you are eating for boredom/emotional/uselessness. I'm okay with you giving yourself what you want, but last night (the cheetos) was something I haven't seen in a long time, and I don't want you throwing away all your hard work. I'm going to be your back-up willpower and motivation."
I'm not entirely sure where this is coming from, but it's coming at a really good time!! This weekend promises to be high-calorie - I have to eat something sugary tomorrow before our 3D ultrasound to find out if it's a Beano or Beanette, we'll probably go out for supper after because of pure excitement, and on Sunday we are spending the day with my folks for my Dad's birthday. So having a little external control switch leading up to that is very welcome.
Damn, he's gonna be a great Daddy.