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Clearing the thoughts of myself

Friday, November 16, 2012

Today I really want to recommit to this journey. I have been sick so i have not been exercising. Today I did my bike ride and my walk. My walk was a bit short because my boys missed the bus. I however perceived and found my walking partner and walked part of the walk with her. Then walked back to my car. I only walked 40 minutes instead of the 60 I normally do.

When I was thinking about this as I drove back to my house. I was thinking about how good it felt to have walked, knowing I would have some energy to do my chores and how happy I am to be feeling better. THEN the negative voice came into my head. I started thinking about how I did not do the last 20 minutes of my walk. How I should do that. Belittling myself for not doing the extra 20 minutes where just seconds before I was thinking that 40 minutes was an excellent start back after being sick. I feel like a crazy person.

Last night my son had a concert. Music is big in my house. I am a band and choir mom. We live in a small town with a small school. Last night there were 4 groups preforming and my son was in all of them. He is confident and talented. Some one told me that if I taught my kids to be confident it must be inside me too.

Which brings me to my point. Some of the ways that I was parented I did not want to repeat. I made clear choices about how I wanted to be and acted accordingly. So the thought now is can i really treat myself how I would treat a friend. Can I really say to myself that 40 minutes was an excellent first walk. I can remind myself that if I want to later in the day I can pick up the extra 20 minutes or I can just be satisfied.

I kind of wonder how much of my weight problem is from the things that I think I should do or the things I think I might miss if I ...continue on this path to self improvement. Then there is the other part that is quick to remind me of the things that I am missing already.

I am contemplating if it is somehow possible to just leave all the baggage and chatter and just be. Be on this journey. Be happy with where I am and where I am going. Be mindful of my chocies. Be kind to myself even when I am being firm with my own expectations of myself.

Letting the chatter go...I am imagining it just going away. I would not talk to someone else that way. I would be kind even if for some reason I said hey you really wanted to do that other 20 minutes. I can see where it is just a fact not good or bad.

I want to learn to be kinder to myself and leave the baggage behind..
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow~! You've done such a great job giving your children the gift of music. Kudos on that.
    You did a great job with the 40 minute walk. Apparently you need to stop listening to the inner you! There is always someone faster, smarter, stronger. You just have to compete against YOU!
    1951 days ago
  • NANCY-
    I think you did awesome finding your walking partner and walking for 40 minutes.
    Sometimes life does get in the way and we need to either step it up or just say "Oh well" and do the best we can in a given situation. It is all about what we choose. It is great that it is our choice.

    I loved this: "Some one told me that if I taught my kids to be confident it must be inside me too. "
    Just believe it. Believe in yourself.
    1953 days ago
  • TEDYBEAR2838
    A lot of time our self-talk sabotage's us! Don't let it get you down.
    Maybe we always CAN do more, but we don't need to. Do what you
    can, push when you need to but enjoy the journey.

    emoticon back!
    1954 days ago
    Wow... you were in my head talking to ME earlier, lol.

    What I have done is set a minimum goal as well as an "ideal" goal. Life happens so sometimes it is good to have a range to fit into. Right now it is helping to keep track of my total minutes each week and compare week to week. Some weeks I have been amazed that I have done as many cardio minutes as I have. Not all intentionally planned. Some weeks have been lower and I have been able to think, OK I think I can beat this week's numbers next week. But truly the most exciting thing was at the end of ten weeks to look at the TOTAL number I had achieved. I did more in ten weeks than I think I did in my first year on SP! It can be easy to lose sight of the big picture. Having a chart that says my total minutes goal is 10,000 or the "distance" from here to Hawaii. If the old way of measuring your "accomplishments" is too close to home... change it!

    I know for my harp practice it is MORE important to practice every day and less important the length of time I practice. Some days I get so into it I hardly realize an hour has passed. And some days I sit down often just to do a few fingering exercises.
    1954 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/16/2012 1:01:40 PM
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