Friday, November 16, 2012
I've been in a funk for months. Part of it is unrelated to my weight and is related to depression. I've been dealing with that, and I've tried to separate it from my healthy lifestyle but it is interrelated.
And as a result my weight has crept up a little during this funk. Instead of letting it get me down though, I've decided to keep moving forward.
Last night as I was browsing Facebook, I came across some pictures that I was tagged in. The first one is from a couple of years ago at the science museum:
Just looking at the photo makes me feel sad. Sad, and tired. That pretty much sums up my old existence. I remember this trip, and I remember my knees and hips aching just from walking around. I also remember having a stomach ache. Probably from some junk I ate that day. I don't even remember what it was I ate. So it was obviously not worth it.
Then I came upon a couple of pictures from this past summer. The first is from my niece's birthday party:
And the other is a trip to the lake. Here I am holding a different niece:
Both of these are near my lowest weight. I felt happier then. Not only because of the weight, but my depression was under control then and I was actively living my life.
I am going to get back there again. It feels almost as if a reset button has been pushed. I will get the meds adjusted again and fight off the depression. I'm close to that point - I can feel it on the edge of my conciousness.
I am going to stop beating myself up for backtracking and using it as an excuse to slip into bad habits. I'm probably only ~12 lb over what I was in those pictures. But more than the number, I want that feeling again. Where I had energy and I was starting to build up some more confidence.
Today is a new day, I am resetting everything. No more failures to drag me down. No more excuses for bad decisions. From now on I choose to be the person from the second and third pictures.