Okay crazy girl... calm down
Friday, November 16, 2012
I have enough time for a quick update...
So I think I've adjusted my head a bit. I was PMSing a bit when I went on my "oh-my-god-what-have-I-done" rant. With the emotional roller coaster of the past two weeks, add in hormones = crazy girl.
I'm better now. I haven't snapped back into full tracking mode yet, but I'm doing a heck of a lot more than I have been. I made the mistake that cripples most of us. I tried to jump back in 100% to something, and I got upset when I wasn't perfect.
Instead of freaking the eff out -- I snapped back into reality mode. 184 sucked. Being +4# in less than 2 weeks sucked. But guess what. I've been fluctuating +/- three pounds for awhile now -- so is 184 so much different than 183? No. So I am officially telling the stupid fat girl inner voice to calm down and STFU.
Apparently I just expected to finally reach the 170s without really doing any work to make it there. As long as I'm sub-mid-180s, I'll be happy. With Thanksgiving and a happy boyfriend who constantly visits me (not complaining) -- I just need to be mindful of my food choices. I'm going to ignore the fact that I'm cooking a giant steak for him tonight -- I bought two giant steaks (top sirloin -- a healthier cut), with the intention of feeding him 1.5 of them. I don't know if I mentioned I'm dating a giant. He's 6'7" -- so he eats a lot! Literally 2# of pot roast (not joking!) a few weeks ago. I also learned the hard way I should not even attempt to keep pace with him. Its okay for me to finish way before him. I also cannot eat as fast as he does. On my own I'm good at pacing myself and chewing, but twice now we've gone out to dinner and all of a sudden I go from empty to bursting because I ate faster than my stomach could tell my brain to stop.
Another thing I managed to do was fit fitness into my daily routine. I've been doing squats in lab, and making trips across campus to get in a good walk. I also was going over to a friends house one night and didn't want to change or get sweaty. At first I thought I would give myself a pass... but then I realized I had 45 minutes and I could definitely do SOMETHING in that time. Cue to me doing sidebend crunches with a 25# kettlebell. I do sets of 50 on a side and then switch. I also zone out and watch TV... so I did somewhere between 1000-1500 in less than 30 minutes. Let's just say, I can still feel that workout, so I know my obliques are good ;-)
Last night I offered to throw a going away party for a friend on Saturday... so I manically cleaned. Somehow I managed to do six loads of laundry, completely clean the kitchen and reorganize two cabinets, do the dishes, clean my diningroom, clean both bathrooms, pick up the livingroom and vacuum. Oh and workout! So my excuse that I have no time is invalid. I think I proved that last night. I just need the proper motivation to get stuff done -- and then its amazing to see what you CAN do. I even had two friends come over to watch something on my DVR. I just left them in the livingroom and whirlwind cleaned around them. Once they were gone, up went the coffee table and I got in a good arm workout and some more crunches (I really like doing these on the exercise ball -- you can zone out, watch TV, and make some great progress).
All in all my mindset is back to positive. My hormones are calming down and I think I have my focus back. All I need is to get my food cravings under control and remind myself that -I am not a dog. I don't reward myself with food.
I am also a grown adult. I am not a kid in a candy store that can eat whatever sounds good. I stocked up on more apples and bananas and turkey jerkey so I can make smart food decisions. I am focusing on really increasing my fluid intake. Often I'm not really hungry, I just need to take a big drink of water and chew some gum. As long as I keep myself moving or busy I won't be tempted to munch away my progress.
So all in all -- I think my head is back in the game. I'm not perfect. Being close to maintenance is at once a blessing and a curse. I have come so far... but the last home stretch is a battle of wills.
In other good news--I've been at my weight for long enough that my body started re-growing hair! I had a lot of my hair fall out and not regrow because my body thought I was dying or starving since I had lost so much weight... totally normal according to my doctor, and once my body stabilized he said it would start to grow back. Well it took a few months but I started to notice these really annoying baby curls that were hard to style... then I did a Wylie Coyote double take and realized that I was back to having thicker hair!
Everyone have a great weekend and don't beat yourself up if you slip. Just recognize the slide before it gets too bad and remember why you're doing this!
(so much for my "quick" update, haha)