Friday, November 16, 2012
I was off SP for at least a couple of months during my kitchen reno and managed to gain back the 6 pounds that I painstakingly lost. Being a positive person I thought to myself that I had temporarily gotten off track and decided that I would jump back on the bandwagon and start over again. After all, what choice do I have? Either move forward and start again or do nothing and keep on gaining.
Here's the hard part. I was slowly losing when I first joined SP back in May of this year while I had my daily calories set to between 1300 and 1500 a day. It took me 4 months to lose about 6 pounds. I thought to myself that slow and steady wins the race. I was ok with the slow loss as I was making progress. This time I decided I would scale down to a max of 1300 cals per day and it appears that I am actually gaining. I have been getting on the scale each morning and finding that I am up about a pound a day. This morning I am up 3 pounds from my heaviest weight ever! Again, being a positive person, I am trying not to beat myself up. I am asking myself what am I doing wrong? Could it be a particular food that I am eating? I did go above my calorie range quite a bit one day so maybe it's water retention?? Is it that time of the month, no, not yet, I am two weeks ago. Is it premenopause? What is going on with my body? I am such a healthy person. Or am I? Then, I second guess myself. Maybe I'm not as healthy as I think. Maybe I am delusional and think that I am tracking the right portions but am actually eating a lot more than I think. Now that might be a possibility as I am mostly eyeballing my portions.
I can see how easy it is for people to just want to throw in the towel. All this effort, all this tracking and feeling hungry and my weight goes up, not down. I could just scream in frustration. I looked up my height and BMI and I am now officially in the type 1 obese category. I am in a bit of shock as I have always thought of myself as a relatively thin person. This can't be happening to me. This is not me, this is not my body. It shouldn't be so hard. I am sharing my thoughts with you because it feels a little better to get it out and get it out there. I really don't feel like myself. This extra weight doesn't belong on me all around me. I feel like a stranger in my own body. I don't recognize myself anymore. Well there, I said it all.
I don't want to leave things on a negative note and I don't know what's wrong. Like I said, it could be a bit of portion distortion and having said that I will start measuring my food again to see if that makes a difference. I am not giving up. I am going to forge ahead and do my best to make healthy choices meal by meal. I am going to try to be ok with the times that I feel hungry and not panic when I don't have something to eat close by.
Thanks for "listening" and being there. It's nice to know that there are other people on this journey who may be experiencing the same frustrations. I am holding on to the thought that regardless of what I am experiencing with respect to my weight loss today, I am going to find the key to the eating plan that works for me.