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Really tired...

Friday, November 16, 2012

and I'm up past my bedtime, but I felt like I did well today so I wanted to blog a little!

Staying Positive.

+ Even though I overate a bit at breakfast, I did not let it mess me up. I told myself that it was not a huge amount over, and that I would be hungry again some hours later for lunch, which I was. Thinking ahead like this helped me to get out of the panic in the moment.

+ This morning between breakfast and lunch I recognized several times when I had an urge to eat out of anxiety/uncertainty/boredom (and not hunger) and was thus able to avoid mindless eating which always puts me at risk for a binge.

+ I went out to dinner with a friend tonight, and there were two challenges. The first was that I ordered a large calamari appetizer for my dinner (I go here a lot, so I know the dishes, and the waiter - in fact I was here on Sunday as well), and the waiter was like "an appetizer for your dinner?" I said yes; I think he forgot that I've done this with this appetizer before, since it's the same size as a lot of the entrees. Anyway, this time he decided to add in linguine as well, which doubled the size... It was unexpected, and that kind of threw me off. I immediately had the thought that I didn't want to waste it, and that now it'd look weird if I just ate all the calamari and sauce. That was what I wanted to eat, but instead I ended up eating equalish portions of both calamari and linguine, just so I wouldn't feel embarrassed about picking out what I wanted (this probably makes me sound like a weirdo, but I would feel self-conscious about picking out stuff like that). This did cause me stress and made have an urge to binge, especially because now I had a lot of volume on which to do so, but I self-talked myself through it in my head, and ended up making it through this.

+ Then the waiter gave us a complimentary tiramisu dessert. I knew he was just trying to be nice because he knows me, but I noticed right away I had anxiety about it (thoughts like "I don't want to refuse to have any, even though that'd be the safest thing, because I'd feel bad about wasting it AND I don't want to appear restrictive in front of my friend"). My friend had a bite. Then I took a bite. When I did, I had a major stress spike because I was feeling kind of vulnerable from the first unexpected thing with the linguine, and had the impulse to eat a lot of it. I watched her, knowing she was also pretty full from dinner and wasn't expecting any dessert, as a "guide" to what a non-food-issue person could do. She had a few bites more, then stopped, so I mimicked that since underneath it all, my panic was pretty bad and the urge to binge was strong. There are a lot of times when I can enjoy a piece of dessert and not have issues like this where it triggers a binge, but I have to be feeling safe and calm, which I was absolutely not at this point. Anyway I made it through, even though I felt such a sudden strong urge to eat a lot of it and then turn it into a binge by buying more food after dinner on my way home.

+ I scored a great deal on some cycling shoes with the SPD cleats...someone had returned a used pair to REI in my size, and they happened to already have the cleats in them, so I got a discounted price on the shoes, plus didn't have to pay additional for the cleats. Perfect for a beginner trying out cycling shoes for the first time. All my cyclist friends say that the clips make you feel so much more connected to the bike that you'll probably never want to go back to normal shoes... well, we shall see. Earlier this week I also treated myself to series of spinning classes, which is where I'm going to try these out!
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    Good job! Keep up the good work.
    1291 days ago
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