Friday, November 16, 2012
My mom called and dropped a bomb. This sounds terrible to say, but they want to come for a visit in the spring. I don't want them to come.
I especially don't want them to come in April or before or after April (well or almost ever)
I'm selfish when it comes to April. April is my birthday and our wedding anniv. Every year we do a vacation for our anniv. EVERY YEAR! It may be only a camping trip, or it may be a road trip or whatever. The point is that it is our time and I look forward to that time. I like knowing that time is there for us.
My parents drain everything out of me. Even my hubby, who gets along with everyone, finds my dad exhausting. My dad is a passive agressive-jerk-immature-a$$.
I hate saying that. I hate thinking it. I hate myself for having these feelings.
So here's where it gets complicated.
My mom was recently diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis (not even attempting to look up how to spell it at this point) and she will need a lung transplant. I suspect that they want to come out before her lungs get a lot worse. I get that.
My mom has always wanted to be here in the spring to see the fields of tulips. They bloom sometime between mid-March to late April depending on temps, rain, etc.
So tonight my mom calls and says they want to come in the spring to see the tulips. She doesn't ask if we can take the time off, if they can stay with us, etc. She asks if my husband will be working (What?! Why wouldn't he be working? He's always had a job. He's worked for two different companies in 15-16 year. I'm the one who took off about a year from work over 10 years ago.)
I want to tell them no, not April...make that no, not Apr., Mar., or May or ever.
But my mom's condition. And I don't want to be a jerk. I am worried about her and about what she is facing.
But I also know how exhausting and frustrating and DEPRESSING and DEPLETING their visits are. There is NOTHING to look forward to about their visits. My dad is emotionally abusive and it's too much to take for more than a couple days.
How can I feel and say this about my parents?
And what am I doing to do about this?
Take care of me? Or be the dutiful daughter?
I don't want to hurt their feelings but I don't want to spend an awful week with them that will require a few months of therapy to undo? Just kidding about the therapy, but only sort of.
I know many of you have wonderful relationships with your family and can't begin to understand. But I hope someone out there has faced similar and may be able to offer advice.
This is very embarrassing.