Thursday, November 15, 2012
I visited my family in Florida this past weekend, and my mom said to me, "You know, you look really good where you are right now. You shouldn't try to lose too much more."
This gave me pause. One, I realized that I actually WAS close to my goal weight (I'm just seven pounds away from 125), and two, that I was, on some level, thinking about readjusting my weight loss goal by an additional five or ten pounds. After all--says she dryly--you can never be too thin, right?
Except... I have been too thin before.
I think I was borderline anorexic for three or four months in late 2002/early 2003. I never stopped eating entirely, and I wasn't skeletal, but I was completely obsessed with food--as in, how much to eat, when to eat it, where to eat it, and how much water to drink in a day (because, you know, fluids in the body affect the numbers on the scale).
I didn't stay in that mentality very long; being hungry all the time made me tired and extremely unpleasant. (That is the nice version.) Although I look at the photos from that time and like my figure very much, I remember that five minutes didn't go by without my body screaming for FOOD, NOW. It was a daily struggle against myself, and one that I eventually lost. So, lesson learned: while I CAN weigh 104 pounds, I do it at the expense of being nothing but thin. Well, thin and cranky. (How and why did people put up with me when I became that temperamental? I'll never know.)
I'm reminding myself of this because I don't want to have an unrealistic weight goal. I'm keeping my goal at 125. If I go a pound or two below that, fine, whatever. Same for if I hover a pound or two above. I was able to maintain between 125-130 for five years, before various factors in my life (starting college, starting a new job, moving away from home) led to weight gain.
Hopefully, I'll be able to transition into maintenance in another month or two and stay there. By continuing to faithfully input my nutrition intake and exercise minutes on SparkPeople, I think I'll be okay.