Thursday, November 15, 2012
After a week of blah - not bad days, just low energy, low happiness- I had a great day today! But even the week of Blah was better than my past.... I have Major Depression (have had for years), and I started on meds about two months ago. It's amazing just to have days where I'm neither happy nor sad when I was so used to feeling sad for no reason whatsoever!
I am not one to feel pride; I am a perfectionist. But today I have been feeling pride... and I have been content. I am very happy with my progress on Spark People... not just my weight, but my attitude and eating habits. I also realized that I can make myself happier by changing the way I look at situations. These things are internal goals I have worked hard for. Many days, I didn't want to work towards them. I got tired and had a bad attitude. But, sheesh, I am so glad I did!
I used to make negative situations huge, day ruining events... and positive ones weren't really acknowledged. I decided awhile ago to intentionally practice thinking about good things that happened to me the way I thought of negative situations... and today was the first time I did it unconsciously! My ex husband is a pain, a major one, but I still have to deal with him because we have a daughter. When he did something to upset me today, I kept thinking of the good morning I had - being able to see my friends, working on my independent experiment, having a great work out session - and his ridiculous behavior was brushed off. I realized I had no control over the outcome of his actions, and so I may as well be happy either way. I allowed myself to be happy instead of digging my heals in and staying mad out of self righteousness... That is a huge weakness of mine!
And... Wow! How liberating.
I'm sure there will be times when I don't remember to do this, but now that I have experienced how much BETTER it is to have the laissez-faire or décontracté attitude, I think I will spend more time living la vie en rose.