The last few weeks, I feel like I’ve finally gotten my groove back, from the post-Dragon*Con hiccup, complicated by injury. I’m losing weight at a slow-but-steady pace, I’m working out like a champ and eating within my range is now the norm.
I’m also Sparking like crazy (yeah, it’s not just you: I really *am* here all the effing time lately)! I spend a lot of time on friend’s pages, reading blogs, but I also spend a fair amount of time on my own page, staring at my goals list, daydreaming.
Yeah, for real.
Step back, Brad Pitt, Daniel Craig and yes, even you, lovely Benedict Cumberbatch…this girl’s fantasizing about - wow, really? - WEIGHT LOSS.
Look, we’ve all done it. You hit a point where the weight seems to be coming off at a predictable clip and you start thinking long-term: “I lost X pounds this month, surely by Christmas, I should be able to hit X pounds…” or “If I hit X pounds by the New Year, then I might hit my mini-goal super early…”, or the inevitable “OMG, if I get to X pounds by March, how thin can I be by the summer?”.
So, what’s the harm with a little daydreaming?
Let’s have a little chat with 2008 SexBobOmb, shall we, to find out the reason:
“Hey, S.B.O…what’s up?”
“Oh, nothing, just running some numbers, doing some math, checking my BMI. Did you know that if I keep losing weight like this, I might be skinny enough to wear my leather jacket again?”
“Sounds great. Why do you look so stressed?”
“I’m not. I mean, I lost 47 pounds this year, I’m awesome, right? It’s just…”
“Just what, Sugarpop?”
“Well, it’s just,” then, leaning in with a conspiratorial whisper “It’s just…it was kinda easy.”
“Losing weight was easy? Well, that’s great, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but it makes me feel sort of, well, bad. Because it was so easy.”
“And so you feel like you wasted 30 years of your life being fat and miserable when you could’ve easily lost this weight all along?”
“Well, why not just be grateful that you’ve come to your senses now and make the most of the rest of your soon-to-be-skinny life?”
“Because then I really will have wasted 30 years of my life being fat!”
“So, what’s the alternative, Babydoll?”
“Self-sabotage. Take myself out. If I stop right now, I won’t be any worse off than I was in diets past, where I lost tons of weight, but still never made it to my goal. Just check with 1998 SexBobOmb, 1991 SexBobOmb or 1989 SexBobOmb – that was a good one, popcorn diet. Good times.”
“But, this is stupid. Why spend all this time and effort losing weight just to quit now?”
“Because if I ever do reach my goal, the terrorists will win. I mean, it’ll just prove that I could have avoided a lifetime of flab if I’d just exercised a modicum of self-control. Self-sabotage is much better, friend. If I fail once more, then, oops, what's a girl to do? My weight becomes something insurmountable and totally NOT MY FAULT!”
Yes, I’m an idiot. But this daydreaming and fantasizing about reaching my goal is dangerous for me, because it means that I’m thinking, truly thinking, that this is a possibility. That I *can* reach my goal, easy-peasy, piece of cake, no problem – and that leads to stinkin’ thinkin’ and, eventually, self-sabotage.
So, I write this post to ask for your help: not to help me stop fantasizing, but to remind me that this thing that we are all doing, this losing weight thing, is NOT easy. That we did NOT waste years of our lives this way because we are lame or lazy – that losing weight is a really hard thing to do, something that requires persistence and drive and commitment.
More than that, I need you to remind me that we’re all worth this effort, no matter how many years we’ve been fat. That beating this thing is not an admission of failure for the years that preceded it, but a victory for the here and now.
Finally, if sometime in the near future you catch me veering off track – if you DON’T see me online as often, please call me out on my SparkPage. I respond well to public humiliation…
The truth of the matter is that I don’t want 2012 SexBobOmb to join the ranks of the years-gone-by SexBobOmbs.
2012 SexBobOmb needs to make it this time.
And so do you.