I am home sick. My stomach is acting up again. It's stress. I know it is. That and the fact that right now I HATE my job.
Anyhow, all that matters right now is I'm home in pain.
I didn't track my food yesterday. No reason. I just forgot to.
Now I'm sitting here, knowing what I should be doing, and not really caring.
What's wrong with me? If I keep doing what I've always done, how can I expect changes? Seriously? I'm not putting guidelines on what I can eat, or when. Not yet anyway. I'm just supposed to be tracking it. Making tracking a habit again.
Why is this "I don't really care" attitude here??? Why am I having to fight against myself on this journey?
Something is wrong, and I obviously can't see it yet.
Guess I need to do some soul searching to see why.
Maybe I figure I might as well give up now. It'll hurt less than putting effort in just to fail later.
Who's to say I'll fail later? Yes, I'll stumble, we all do. But fail? No way. Even if I take the weight off to struggle with it again later, that doesn't mean failure. It means I need more work. That's all.
Depression is defeating me right now. I know it. I know what I need to do to fight back too. But I just can't seem to do it. The worst part is I KNOW that it won't get better until I do fight back.
Yes, I need a day off today. Physical pain is not something I will fight through. It's my body's way of telling me something is wrong. Right now it's SCREAMING at me. My fault for not listening sooner.
All I can do right now is to rest, and find the strength to fight back tomorrow.
The only way to get through this is to fight through it. Workout when I don't want to. Make my body start to move. It'll take at least a week of forcing moving on myself before it'll start to get easier. And in all honesty, it never really does get easier. I just get stronger.
It'll take about 3 weeks of pushing before I'll find myself wanting to go out and workout. I know it.
I can do this. 3 weeks is nothing really. Not in the grand scheme of things.
Guess it looks like I'm feeling like failure already. No wonder I'm so easily distracted and considering giving up.
Time to stop that thinking. Today I will track everything I eat. And I will fill up my water bottle and keep it beside me, so it's in arms reach for a drink whenever I want it.
Enough with this failure thinking. I only fail if I refuse to get back up again. As hard as it is to do just that, I will.