sometimes pain is growth.Im having a meltdown sort of day.Im sure half of it is lack of sleep and feeling ill for a few months.There just comes a day when you have to face reality and deal with the fact that things are not the way you wished them to be and there is zero hope they will ever be so!!!...my life will never be or contain who or what i want it to...it just is what it is,i can also have justifyed resentments but it wont make life better or change the facts or undo the facts or make the future how i wanted it to be...it was all a dream n a fantasy in my head,reality has reared it's ugly head and shown threw !!! ,no matter how positve i have tryed to be...it is and never will be the way i wanted or wished it would be ,conserning my health,relationships with friends n family,and my living situations in my life,nor will i redide where i want to reside in peace and harmony.I wont believe the lies and fantasy of it anymore...I will only see the stark reality from now on.