Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Even without the apple-a-day I kept the doctor away for ELEVEN YEARS! But it will not be twelve years because I meet the doctor that was assigned to my family on Friday.
A lot has happened to me in the past 11 years as I'm sure it has to everyone, but for me I managed to gain over a hundred pounds. The reason I stopped going to the doctor was because I was embarrassed of my weight BACK THEN - now I'm 100+ heavier.
I have many things I'm anxious over. For one... well... I'm huge. I'm worried if I will fit in the office/waiting room chairs... worried if their instruments (blood pressure cuff) will fit me... worried about finding out, after a pending physical, what is wrong with me.
A bit of background info on me. I'm a self-diagnosed hypochondriac. If I hear about a rare disease, an illness a neighbor has or a superbug outbreak - I got it! I even had myself convinced I had testicular cancer after an episode of ER.................... um... I'm a girl - lol.
I know that I have to go. I know that if there is something wrong with me it is going to be wrong whether or not I know about it and that it's best to know about it so I can fix it - blah blah blah blah blah.... I KNOW!... but my poor anxiety just won't allow me to focus on that. My anxiety keeps whispering in my ear "but what if you have 'this'..." and "oh, I bet you have 'that'..." Hmmm... maybe the doc will prescribe me a muzzle for that inner voice. *fingers-crossed*
Oh dear God have mercy on me and help me through this!