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    RAZRBKMOM   2,157
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looking fine on the outside...

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

People don't understand how hard it is to be so sick when you don't look sick...

I have so many health issues but everyone says but you look good...ok so I look fine, but I can promise I don't feel fine. 3 years ago before I ever knew about a lot of the health issues I was diagnosed with Leukemia. Thank goodness it is a slow growing kind, but none the less when you run a daily fever, and your counts are all off, and you have no energy, and you hurt, you just don't feel good. Then you add in what they found while trying to find out what was really wrong, you just want to say "shoot me"!! The high blood pressure I got while going thru the divorce...the stress started then too, and the depression. Then they add crohn's then sleep apnea, then diabetes, then enlarged heart, I am only 49, and feel 90. I used to love to go play softball, flag football, volleyball, I still umpire baseball even tho I feel like I am dying after a tournament...I have grandkids that want me to play with them and I get tired so easily, or my legs will be killing me to the point that it hurts to walk, sit, laydown...

Then the weight issue...I have been told that it is not all my fault...I realize some of it is, I could have left the cokes and french fries alone, I could have made healthier choices, but I didn't. Part of my weight is genetic. Part of it is because nothing in my body vitamin wise is correct, my hormones aren't right, I was never able to take HRT after the hysterectomy and then the removal of my ovaries. My spleen is full of infection, my kidneys aren't working well...I just feel like everyone looks at me like I am just faking it all the time when I say I don't feel good. If only they knew...

If only they understood what I would do and am doing to feel better. I am changing my entire life around, and just praying that if I lose weight I can control one or more of the other chronic conditions I have....PLEASE GOD, LET IT HELP...I am so tired of feeling bad...
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CASE4GRACE 11/14/2012 3:23PM

    My heart is just breaking for you. I cannot even imagine what it would be like to walk in your shoes - the physical pain and the mental and emotional anguish from dealing with it all. I don't think I can really offer anything helpful but support, knowing that there's someone that cares and wants things to get better for you. I will say a prayer for you and hope that God will meet you right where you are in the middle of your struggles and bless you with strength and courage. I know He can help you through this.

Sending a hug and hope for better tomorrows.

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Anita

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TXTOAD9970 11/14/2012 11:36AM

    I am sorry you don't feel good. Sounds like you have a lot of health problems. Here's a hug from someone who cares...
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Feel better
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