Wednesday, November 14, 2012
I've been listening to a great podcast about the tug of war going on inside of me when I'm out of alignment, when the part of me that wants to be slim is in conflict with the part of me that keeps binging. It's such a powerful episode because the image of my body in a tug of war really hits home. And the realization that both sides of myself - the part of me wanting to be slim and the part of me wanting to binge, both want me to be happy, is very powerful.
Another piece to this podcast, which I didn't remember, was the exploration of meta outcomes - the goals behind the goals.
Renee suggests that there is always a positive intent behind any behavior, even behaviors we feel are very negative (for example, binging). She goes on to say that we all want to be happy and we seek pleasure, sometimes in unskillful ways, but that our ultimate objective has a positive intent behind it.
The exercise is to keep finding the higher layers of intent behind the behavior, the meta outcomes.
So when I think about the repeated bouts of binging I've engaged in since my health diagnosis, my marital crisis, and my husband's health diagnosis (three huge stressors that hit at once), I have been looking for the meta outcomes.
I binged because I was exhausted, stressed, afraid, completely sleep deprived, and felt my life was out of control completely. Now let me see if I can find some meta outcomes...
Exhaustion - higher layer - needing rest, needing an escape, wanting peace and renewal.
Stress - higher layer - needing calm, needing ease, needing space, wanting joy.
Afraid - higher layer - needing security, needing health, wanting everything to be OK, wanting my husband to be healthy
Sleep deprivation - higher layer - needing rest, needing sleep, needing balance
Out of control - higher layer - needing to know everything is OK, needing balance, wanting to create order and calm.
So the goals behind my goals: joy, health, happy marriage, balance, security, calm.
Well, I can say with assurance that all of me (both sides) wants all of this! And further, binging is never ever going to help me get any of these meta outcomes. So it's time for both sides of me to get on the healthy team!