When I was overweight before I thought losing weight was one of the most challenging things I had ever done.
That was before I became a Mom. All the books in the world could not have prepared me for the mix can of emotions that comes with a baby. I constantly feel like I am making the wrong decisions where my son is concerned and have no idea if I am doing things right or not. Of course I learned quickly that everyone has an opinion of how I should be doing things and that 'every baby is different'.
I might add I have grown to hate that answer....you know when you ask someone if your doing something right with your baby and they say it could be this but "every baby is different". lol
From the beginning it was tough. I had back labor and did the delivery drug free. It was honestly the best thing I did. I never felt more happy then when my son was placed in my arms. It was the best reward for the 15 hours of delivery. I didn't even care that it had been 15 hours of 3 min contractions. All forgotten once this tiny miracle is placed in you hands.
Once we got home it was such a mixed bag of emotions. I don't think I slept for a few days as I kept needing to make sure my baby was breathing.
Then at my sons check-up came the news that he wasn't back to his birth weight yet and he should be. The doctors were concerned. I was told that until my milk came in I would have to supplement once or twice a day with formula. But a week later my son still wasn't at his birth weight despite nursing every hour. I was told this would help me produce more for him if I had him nursing constantly.
The doctor then sat me and my husband down and explained that 1 in 3 women just do not produce enough to breast feed and unfortunately I am one of them. Our baby would be a formula baby.
Can I tell you I felt like an absolute failure as a mom. I felt like I had let everyone down.
Thankfully my mom came over frequently those first few weeks and talked with me a lot. I gradually have come to terms with the fact that these things happen. I tried my best but what matters is that my son is now healthy and gaining weight at a great pace now.
The other thing that has been tough is that some people just forget what it's like to have a newborn. I have friends getting mad because I forgot birthdays or I am not really going out visiting. But I have a baby who has colic. Who wasn't sleeping for more then 90 mins at a time and often would not sleep unless someone was holding him. So it was impossible for me to think or remember anything else on little and no sleep. And going out? Forget it. My son didn't have a set sleep schedule so when he went to sleep so did I. Call me selfish but I didn't want to make plans for fear that my son would go to sleep and I would miss out on an opportunity to get sleep myself.
What made me mad was people began accusing me of having post-partom depression. I know a lot of women go through this. But I wasn't. I am really happy with my son. And the first few weeks are tough. What I needed was for people to give me a break and let me enjoy my son. Let me figure out his needs and wants and work out a schedule.
I am now getting a handle on my son's colic and we are actually getting our long sleep periods at night! YAy! I feel so much more functional now that I am getting more sleep. And it's so amazing watching my son grow.
Honestly it's awesome. Despite the tough parts. My husband and I fought more in the first few weeks. But whats great is we now look back and laugh at it. We know it was from lack of sleep and stress. The feelings I had of never knowing if I was doing the right thing my husband was feeling too. Now that we have discussed all our concerns were no longer fighting. And it's great. We're just enjoying watching our son grow.
I called this blog challenges and rewards because being a mom has been the most challenging thing. But the reward of having a son and watching him grow are worth every challenge. Everyday I love waking up and getting to spend the day playing with my baby and seeing his great smiles.
On days I felt overwhelmed I remember what I did when I was losing weight previously. I looked at success stories of weight loss. So I applied that to motherhood. When I look outside I see all kinds of kids with their parents happily playing. I stopped and I thought -'all these people have done it...so can I."
I feel way more in control now. I think that was the biggest issue for me. I am a planner and like to have a plan of action for everything. But you can't have too much of a plan with a baby. It's up to them. hahaha But we're now in a routine and it's great.
And I am finally able to workout again. I have been frustrated at how slow the weight is coming off. I guess I expected a big loss my first week because I hadn't been working out for months. But nope....nothing the first week....2lbs last week and I am hoping for 2lbs this week.
But just like the raising my son...I am taking this weight loss week by week. I'll reach my goal weight. I have before so I can do it again.
Sorry this is so long...and mostly about me being a mom versus weight loss. hahaha.....I cannot wait to get my body back and I love being at home with my son right now.
Here's an updated photo of my son!