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Out of Hiding ... Briefly

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Thanks to all my great Spark friends who have been checking up on me, leaving messages and the occasional goodie. You guys are the best.

I typed this earlier today but am only sending this now...

I am sitting outside the neurology department at our Children's Hospital waiting to speak to our neurologist. For the first time in ages I have a moment to breathe. Our family has been quite challenged with ongoing concerns for my eldest daughter. No longer a conversation about seizures, we had added new topics into the mix, possibility of glaucoma, auto immune disease and more. Throw into the recipe, my wife is very stressed out and not sleeping. Her anxieties have created a new challenge that must be dealt with. The emotions in our house are elevated beyond high and life has been challenging.

I wish I had more time to Spark but I am trying to help out at home, do my job and just cope with the days. I wish I could say I was exercising, going for walks and eating properly but the opposite is very much true. I am not surprised my weight has gone up, but surprised it has not ballooned because I seem to be eating way too much chocolate, but then again, nothing but chocolate it seems. I wish I could be exercising but everyone seems to need my help around the house and my time is limited. I would love to get up earlier and workout but every sleeping moment has been precious as I am often woken by m wife's pacing or by her nudge when she wants to talk.

Life right now is a challenge and I wish I could be here on Spark more than once every blue moon. I am seeing that there could be a light at the end of this tunnel as we have an EEG set up for this Thursday, another ophthalmology appt in two weeks, a pediatrician in another week or so, and I am hoping all the questions get answered and a plan in place for my dear daughter. I am hoping each of these possibilities are nothing to worry about and that my wife's anxiety calms.

So that's my story. I really would prefer to be here but that's difficult right now. I, for one, can not wait until my two week break at Christmas and the turn of the calendar.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So sorry to hear this. I hope things have gotten better for you over the last few months.
    1895 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    Sending prayers your way that they can find out what is going on with your daughter and then also find a solution to help her. There is nothing more frustrating than not knowing what is wrong. At least once you find out what the problem is, you can go forward with a plan! I hope you get good results and a solution to with all of your daughters issues!
    Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
    Holly emoticon
    1895 days ago
    I pray that events begin to lighten up for you and that your appetite for foods becomes a healthier sort of craving that is also an easy-to-reach-for option. I tend to stress myself at times when I really don't need to be stressed (I'm lovin' early retirement), yet emotional eating is so inviting and often wins. As for exercise, perhaps you can find ten minutes at a time at your desk: dovetail by working some leg lifts while answering an email (hold each lift 15-30 seconds), before you know it, you've added 25 leg lifts of each leg for a 10-20 minute workout. Be you, step up where you can, get help where you're able, and things will hopefully free you up soon.
    1939 days ago
    As a parent I know that you would gladly take these health problems from your daughter. We feel helpless when our children are sick, and when they hurt we hurt.

    Your family needs you so stay healthy Andy. Take your vitamins along with that chocolate, and lots of water. The time for exercise and weight loss will come after your family is on a path to better health. emoticon

    We are here for you Andy!

    1942 days ago
  • TEKRU1
    emoticon I'm so sorry to hear that your family is still suffering through trying to find a direction. Remember that to take care of everybody else you need to take care of ANDY too! Add some real food to that chocolate and pace the halls with your wife sometimes. We're thinking of you!
    1942 days ago

    Thank you for sharing your challenges with us here at SP. I am so glad to know....and I will be in prayer for you, your strength and your daughter's health. emoticon
    I wish I could drop by your house with a hot meal and help wash dishes.
    I know what it is like to watch a child struggle and feel DD struggled through a similar situation 5 years ago. My heart goes out to you and your family.

    It was only God's Mercy & Grace that held us and His Presence walked with us.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you. ~ Laura

    1942 days ago
  • DANI05
    So sorry to hear this, Andy!! You are included in my prayers!!!
    1942 days ago
  • MAGGIE805
    Andy, I'm so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon
    1945 days ago
  • _RAEVEN_
    Sending love and healing to you and your family. (((hugs)))
    1945 days ago
    You're in my thoughts and prayers, Andy. God Bless you and your family, and especially your sweet daughter. Do what you have to for them; we've got your back over here. emoticon
    1946 days ago
    Praying for you.
    1946 days ago
    Best of luck, Andy. Hang in there as best as you can. Your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.
    1947 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    I can't add much to what has already been said.You certainly have many many friends praying and supporting you and your family and I am hopeful that our prayers are being heard.
    1947 days ago
  • MSMARTI1958
    Please just take care of your family and yourself. Yourself first. Remember the old airline adage: "Put the face mask on yourself first, THEN the rest of the family."
    1948 days ago
    1948 days ago
    Andy, I'm praying for your family.
    1948 days ago
    That is tough news, Andy. So sorry that you are all dealing with this right now. I pray that you find those answers, and a good plan for the coming weeks, months, and years.

    I pray, too, that your wife will be able to get more sleep as her anxiety lessens once you get answers, and that you are able to make small choices that benefit you health-wise.

    Remember, even an extra glass of water, or a 5 minute walk around the house a couple of times can pay off. Exercise can help sleep issues, as well as reduce stress. Perhaps you and your wife can go for a brisk 15 minute walk before bed three times a week?

    I often think of the fact that when in a plane, if the oxygen masks come down, we are instructed to place the mask on OURSELVES first, before our children or physically challenged loved ones. If we do it the other way round, we might succumb before we can help them.

    All the best finding the time to look after you, as well as your family's needs.
    1948 days ago
    You are doing what's needed at the moment. That's all you need to worry about!
    1948 days ago
    My heart goes out to you! I will keep you and your family in my prayers as well as the medical staff that they can get to the bottom of this. Several years ago we were sitting at Denver Children's Hospital wondering if our daughter's condition would ever be diagnosed and be treatable and miricles happened!

    I can feel for your wife since I am treated for anxiety. Has she ever been medically evaluated for it? It can be treated well now with proper medications and would help the entire situation if it can be brought under control. I thank God everyday that I finally had the courage to tell my doctor something was very wrong with me.

    Please, please, please take at least a little time to take care of you. If you don't, you might not be able to be there for your family. Lots of water, healthy snacks, etc. Even if you don't have time to exercise right now, there are other ways you can fit 'healthy' into your life! They need you to be healthy!

    Reach out to us anytime you can. Thank you for updating your spark family.
    1948 days ago
  • PRIZM96
    Andy~ I am so sorry to hear all of this. I can only imagine what you and your wife are going through. Watching a child suffer is something NO parent should go through. I know there isn't much more I can say, but please know you are in my prayers and thoughts. I hope you and your family find some relief soon. Please take care of YOU so you have the ability to take care of others. :-) Miss you.

    1948 days ago
    Ok, this is the blog I missed seeing. Been missing you. Praying all the best for you and your family.
    1948 days ago
    When you are in crisis mode you do what you have to do. There is a saying... not sure of the words... but it goes more or less like this.

    If you are worried and can do something about it, then do something about it. If cannot do anything about it then why worry?

    My own experience was that for years my whole life revolved around looking after my daughter. Doctors, teachers, therapists... they all did their parts (not always as a team like I would have liked) but the burden was on my husband and I to communicate between them, question, make and keep appointments, do the treatments. They did not know our daughter like we did nor anything about our lives. I had a lot of guilt that I was missing something, not doing enough. The reality is we make a plan and we follow it, try to adapt but we will never know if it was the right plan. Sometimes the best therapy is making everyone laugh, having a good cry, having a good cuddle and "screw" all the advice of the doctors, therapists and teachers. I think I realized that my most important job was to love my daughter and allow us to LIVE. I was the representative for that side of her life.

    I don't think things got better for my anxiety and worry until I realized I could not do anything to change what innevitably might happen. She would always be an adult with a disability and living with us... she might go blilnd.... she might not live a long life. Faced the worse case scenerios we realized we could only deal with them when we came to them. For me it meant quitting my job and creating one I could do from home to allow me the flexibility to be there when she needed me. And the crisis moments became normal. Seizure? OK is she all right? OK, everyone back to bed., love you all, good night. Doctor saying she might go blind... is there anything we can do? No, OK, then we enjoy vision today. For us there are so many unanswered questions still but I don't ask. I live in today.

    Oh, and the line "if you don't look after yourself you won't be able to look after anyone else"... so true. So take the time this week to eat a healthy meal, go for a walk or get on your bike. You need a full night sleep so if your wife has worries encourage her to write them down and you can make a time to talk about them. Same for your wife. Encourage her to get what she needs.

    After all those years.... can I share with you that my daughter has her third date this Friday? He is coming here to swim and meet me and wants to make a good impression. I am finally doing the "normal parent" thing. Hang in there. Justyna

    1948 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/14/2012 10:19:16 AM
    Sending positive thoughts and prayers out to your daughter and family.

    No parent can watch their child suffer. It is especially not easy when you don't know what you are dealing with.

    1948 days ago

    I'm so sorry to read about all you are going through. Wow, that is so much on your plate, you must be feeling so overwhelmed, exhausted and pulled in so many directions at once, unable to give all you'd like to give to anyone including your own health and fitness. Hang on friend, just hang on for now. Things will get better. Your wife and daughter need you right now and sometimes, for a short time, our own health and fitness need to take a back seat to care for those who need us and no one else can fill your shoes as Dad and husband. Don't beat yourself up or feel badly. You are doing what you need to do right now and it is what is, so give yourself permission to be and do exactly what is needed right now in this moment. To encourage you, even if you were eating exactly right and exercising right now you might still be gaining. Stress in and of itself can make us gain weight. So don't add to the stress you are already under by worrrying about the gain. You have lost it before you can again when this difficult time is past. As far as chocolate goes, there are worse things to be eating. Chocolate does have some good things in it and some health benefits to it. Of course ultimately you get the most out of certain kinds but since you have admitted to having a hard time not eating chips and coke I say big huge congratulations on not going all out on those during this stressful time. Hang in there friend and just take it one day at a time. I'm praying for you and your daughter and family.

    1948 days ago
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    1948 days ago
    1948 days ago
  • LUCYLU22
    emoticon to you, dear friend, and to your family! I will keep you all in my prayers, and I will pray that you guys get some answers soon.

    emoticon emoticon
    1948 days ago
  • JCEDIT89
    Hey Andy! Though times are stressful, please don't undo all your earlier hard work. I know it's difficult, but at least grab a big bottle of water while you try to drown your stresses in chocolate. I have done this and it works!

    Any little healthy decision you can make for yourself and your daughter benefits you and your entire family. Do a bit of stretching during the long waits; pace with your wife (and your pedometer); and pray. Know that God walks with you, just as we all do.

    God bless you and yours. emoticon
    1948 days ago
    I'm very sorry to hear of the situation you and your family are dealing with. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend!!!
    1948 days ago
    Andy, I am so very sorry you are in this place and I hope and pray that you have someone close to you that you can reach out to for a moments respite because you need even a moment in order to garner strength in these most trying times you are in as the pressures are mounting all around and you are carrying this heavy load. We are here for you sweetie and totally understand how difficult it is to make Spark any sort of a priority. Hakuna Matata BLC friend! You are in our best thoughts and prayers as are your daughter, family and physicians. emoticon emoticon P.S. Please do try to drink lots of water and remember that your body does need GOOD fuel. Reach out to neighbors and friends and perhaps they can help with some dinners to lighten your load?
    1948 days ago
    awww, I'm sorry to hear there is so much stress around you and your family.
    Your in my prayers. Just remember, you have to take care of you also.
    1948 days ago
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