Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Wow. Itís been forever since Iíve blogged. And I donít know how far Iíll get because my back is killing me. If it feels like this now, what will it feel like when I get old? Ugh!
I joined OA first of October through www.therecoverygroup.org . I went through the orientation which is a month long. I canít say Iím making a lot of progress just yet, but Iím getting the foundation laid.
Itíll probably be a lot longer road for me than it is for many others because Iíve been SO depressed recently and it seems to be getting worse. So often I feel like crying and for no reason. *sigh*. Iím sure now that weíre heading into the holidays and I basically have no money, the depression is not going to get better anytime soon.
Which I guess brings me to my next issue. And I feel like such a terrible person for this. Itís my issue and my issue alone, but Ö.. My husband goes to medical professionals at the drop of a hat. If he gets a hangnail, Iím sure heíll make an appointment. Now he does have some serious health concerns Ė diabetes and major depression, but even over and above those, if he can find a reason to add yet another doctor, therapist, etc., he will. Now as for myself; I often would like to seek medical assistance for something. Right now it would be this very painful back and the depression that Iím experiencing. But instead of picking up the phone, I take a look at the bank accounts and decide that we donít have the money or enough left on any credit cards for me to make another bill. I find myself always saving whatever money we have to spend on his doctor bills and medications. That being said; I find myself feeling jealous and then feeling very bad for feeling that way. Yes Iím a crazy person! Iíd have the diagnosis too if Iíd ever go to the doctor, lol.
This morning when I thought about blogging, I had lots to say, but now I can Ďt seem to remember any of itÖ so I guess Iíll call it a day.