If Not Now, When??
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
I wouldn’t say I’m a procrastinator to the extreme, but I have realized over the last weeks, I am when it comes to me. I find ways to put taking care of me on the back burner and justify it. I find that I put my “start date” to next Sunday or Monday or to the 1st of the month, or the 15th, some type of day that “makes sense”.
I’d say I’m doing fairly well with my working out, I do my best to go to the gym 4 times a week. I always get a minimum of 45 minutes of cardio. I do my best to show up, get it done and move on with my life.
I’m not doing so bad with my food choices either. I’m always trying to make a conscious effort of what I’m eating and how it makes me feel. If I do indulge or breakdown, I try my best not to beat myself up for it, but instead, pick myself up and realize the next choice I make is what matters.
With those two things on my side, I should be good to go, right? I should be losing here and there and seeing progress. I’m not saying that I don’t ever see the scale go down, I do, but not as much as I’d like. I think to myself, it is what it is.
I’ve been thinking about blogging more….or start to say the least. I don’t always have much to say, but I think it would help me get things off my chest, help me understand myself more, maybe make someone feel like they aren’t alone in what they are feeling, maybe make someone laugh…..who knows! I’ve been thinking I’ll start tomorrow for about a month now. I think of things to blog about and then I don’t want to do it for various reasons, I don’t have time, I might feel stupid for what I’m thinking, maybe nobody will read it or even care, maybe what I might have to say wont make sense to anyone else. None of these reasons should stop me! It shouldn’t matter, and really, it doesn’t. Even this morning, I was thinking, I’ll start on December 1st. That’s a good day to start, new month and everything. But, I can’t do that to myself any longer, I need to do it now. It’s better for me, I enjoy writing, I’m no pro by any means, but I do know writing can help us during all times of our lives. So, here I am, it’s time to be open and honest….this journey can’t always be completed in silence.
Where am I at right now with things?
Like I said before, I do fairly well with going to the gym and working as well as making better food choices. I know what has to happen in order to get healthier, it’s just making it actually happen that gets the best of me sometimes. I work my butt off for the time I’m at the gym, I’m a cardio junkie I must say. I love jumping on the elliptical and just going, I think I could do this forever. I’ve been thinking lately (once again, back to my next week or next month mentality), I need to remember to add strength exercises into my routine. I’ve been telling myself “next week”. In my mind, I picture Sunday as the first day of the week for me, so it’s always, next Sunday I will for me. I used to do weights all the time, I enjoy them, I love the feeling of the next day and your sore. Somehow, I got away from doing them, honestly, I think because I do cardio for 45-50 minutes, I feel like I don’t have time. Silly me, I do have time! I don’t HAVE to go home and worry about all the TV shows I must catch up on. They’re be there for later, they aren’t going anywhere.
I realize, I spend a little over an hour at the gym two nights a week and on Saturday and Sunday. I could totally do more. I don’t like working out at night really, but I just can’t seem for the life of me to get myself up at 4:45am to go in the morning. I would much prefer to go in the morning. In fact, I’ve been setting my alarm to get up at that time to go, but the snooze gets me every time! This morning, I ALMOST did it!! The alarm went off, I got up, went into the bathroom, gave myself a minute to wake up and then, before I knew it, I was crawling back into bed with my hubby! I mean really, I was so close!!! Anyway….here’s to tomorrow morning and setting the alarm for 4:45am!
Food wise, there is more I could be doing, my downfall is at night. Not so much snacking, I just don’t journal what I eat for dinner. Not sure why I struggle so much with this, I know I should and it’s not that hard. Actually, I think a lot has to do with the fact that I LOVE to cook, I’m ALWAYS trying something new, modifying things, just throwing things together. I find recipes online, that aren’t always SP friendly, and try and modify what I can and make. I don’t like to take the time to put the recipe in the calculator to get the exact numbers, plus, figuring how many portions it should be and actually doing the portions is hard sometimes. My husband eats A LOT, he can and he wont gain a pound (the joys of men). He doesn’t believe in portion control, he just scoops it right up and goes for it. I know I’m just making an excuse, because if I asked him to let me portion it out first, he totally would. He wouldn’t mind at all. I just don’t do it. I think sometimes I’d be better off eating something completely separate from him, but I really don’t want to cook two different meals, plus, I can’t do that forever. I enjoy sharing a meal with my husband.
I already eat frozen meals at lunch time…..which is starting to get SUPER boring, but I know it’s controlled and it’s easy to make sure I’m on mark for what I’m eating. Leftovers aren’t much of an option for me, my husband gets them, and I don’t mind, I’d like to know that he has a good meal for lunch when he’s at work. My lunches consist of some type of fat free/low fat greek yogurt and a frozen meal. My “snacks” at work include 1 c. of berries (either strawberries or blueberries) and 2 pieces of Weight Watchers String Cheese and sometimes an apple. I’m typically fine until I get home for dinner, but I have the mentality that because my day time meals are so set, I don’t have to be as careful at night time. WRONG!!! I must remind myself to start tracking it all!!
There are approximately two weeks left in the month. It’s not a Sunday or Monday, it’s not an even day, it’s not even a date that “makes sense”. I’m starting right now! My alarm is already set for tomorrow morning, I will NOT hit the snooze button or crawl back in bed……I must try and stay accountable for this! I will be serious about this and take myself seriously. I do deserve this, I deserve so much more than what I’ve given myself so far. I’m the only one who can control this and I can’t blame anyone but myself.
I’ve become addicted to Pinterest, and I have a board a I’ve created for myself for motivation. The past few days, I’ve been find TONS and TONS of quotes/pictures, everything that I look at and realize, I want THAT. I want to be that person who inspires others, I want to have the rockin’ after picture, I want to feel sexy for my husband, I want to learn how to be confident in myself once again.
If I wait for the perfect time to take myself seriously and learn to love myself, I never will get there……