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A Crappy Day. Or is it?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012


I have been thinking a whole lot lately about how I talk to myself. I have come to the conclusion that I am not very nice to myself. If I said the things I say to myself to another human being, it would border on abuse! I would probably run away crying if someone I love talked to me the way I talk to myself.

So, why do I do this? What began my pattern of self-abuse? I have no idea and it doesn't really matter. The fact of the matter is, I am aware of it and awareness is the first step to recovery.

A few months ago our pastor gave a sermon about thoughts. I remember speaking to a friend afterwards about it and I said the same things I said above. I was, however, not motivated to change my thoughts just yet. For some reason, that day is today.

I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck and began the day with an approaching migraine. Said migraine is held at bay so far but lingers just beyond my realm of function. I cancelled my day so I could rest and then decided to drink some coffee to help constrict the blood vessels in my head. The torrent of self-talk followed......
" You're such a failure!"
"Your clients will hate you for this."
"Do you really have no ability to muster?"
"What a wimp!"
"Big baby!"
So on and so forth until I am cowed to submission by my inner bully.

This is not good. I won't bore you with the details of how I came to find the link above but I am glad I did because this crappy day just got a whole lot more promising. It is time for me to stop beating my self up over every little thing and be kinder to myself. I would normally not share this type of thing but hope it might inspire someone else to be kinder to themselves.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    There is much power in our words. They can make us or break us. We lean towards the negative side anyways so it's easier to go that way instead of breaking lifelong patterns of destroying ourselves. I believe in the Law of Attraction but that isn't my only source. If you read the Bible you will see if you look closely that the spoken word is more than powerful. It's very hard to redirect our thoughts and words to reflect being good to ourselves and building up ourselves to our rightful place. But if we concentrate on our thoughts and words we can do it. It's a lot of effort but if we keep at it, it will soon become natural. Even though I know these things I let myself keep reminding me (subconciously) of all the times I have failed. or made the wrong decision. It was so strong that after awhile I realized these were more than mere thoughts. I was being attacked and my spirit was being beaten down. Evil thoughts trying to break me by whispering how bad I was. Yes, I haven't been perfect but the things I hate about myself are because of my personality. I have mentally run myself down. Then I realized that God gave me the personality that I have, God wants me to do better but he knows how I am made because he created me. We can change our words about ourselves. You are right, we talk terribly to ourselves. If anyone is on our side it should be us. We should be our biggest supporter..Sorry for the rant♥
    1893 days ago
    I do the same thing. My therapist is helping me work on it. She calls that negative voice in my head my negative parrot. We're working on getting me to reply to it and tell it (with the rational side of my brain) that it's wrong. Also, if I just can't take it that day, I'm supposed to put the cover over it's cage to shut it up. When I can't do that and it's really getting to me, I call my friend Kendra and she tells me how great I'm doing and basically tells my parrot to shut up. She is great at calling it names and stuff. LOL. So, if you want help telling your parrot to shut up, I can do that for you and you can do that for me. How about that? Mine always says things like....why didn't you do more of that exercise or you couldn't do that game you suck! I know that it's not true and I'm making huge changes in a short amount of time, but my parrot doesn't like the new me. It likes me under it's wing (so to speak). Keep up the amazing work and message me anytime if you feel like talking or if you need help shutting up your parrot! emoticon
    1895 days ago

    I found a whole list of blog entries about body image and dieting after I posted this blog.
    1895 days ago
  • -VIXEN-
    Congrats on making this positive change. It's a habit and once you start working on it you will discover your head is a much friendlier place to be. Keep up the good thinking! :)
    1895 days ago
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