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"You can do it yourself, but you don't have to."

Monday, November 12, 2012

That will be my mantra for the holiday season!

The people I admire most --and that I am most jealous of- are those I see doing a task with others around them. there might be conflicts and struggles but all in all the task will get done.
And all will feel proud afterward.

This i s not at all easy to accomplish! That is why I admire those who can set this up. I have a few friends who are great at it.


-families cooking together.

-2 or 3 happily cleaning up after a dinner or party.

-putting up holiday decorations.

-keeping the house clean.

The holidays seem to be full of tasks needing doing. The worst is when one person gets stuck with it all. Asking for help can feel demeaning, especially if the request gets a mean or groans in retaliation.

It is a skill to ask for help and get it! If negatives come back as the answer it does not mean everyone hates the asker! That is what it feels like!

I only learned about this by watching others. Some people (like me) always seemed to be toiling alone and ended up feeling totally overwhelmed and angry and unappreciated. Even if I finished my project no one else had any ownership. They'd look at what I'd done and say it was great, but soon they would go do their own thing.

Woman, I think, especially can fall into this trap. I have seen so many woman give andd give for years and end up depressed and alone as time goes on.

Again--asking for help and getting it--is a skill that can be taught ==and learned.

I say my Mom had a martyr mentality. Now I know she just did not know how to ask for help--and get it. I was a lazy bum growing up. I cleaned the house every Saturday but through the week I did not think anything was my responsibility.

Got any ideas about this?

Thanks, Chris

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I ask for help. If it doesn't come I start to nag. Usually this works. They just want to shut me up. I don't mind doing the lions share. I am the only one in my house that sees dirt. The holidays I get help putting everything up. Its when its time to take it down that everyone disappears. But then I nag... emoticon
    1685 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    I have had to do everything on my own. Always have. When I need help everyone disappears. I have had to spend years by myself on all Holidays. It leaves You very down, depressed and feeling so Alone. And very left out in all ways. You have nothing to look forward too. I hope everyone has a much Brighter Future for the Holidays and in the coming months than what I have. God Bless Everyone and Have a Wonderful Week. Have a Super Good Day. Take Care. I do like writng Blogs and helping People in any way that I can. Always have and always will.
    1685 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/13/2012 12:45:52 AM
    Just as with anything, practice makes better. The more you ask for help the better it will be. Keep asking and accepting whatever help you can find.
    1685 days ago
    My family didn't call me the sergeant for nothing. What makes me mad is helping fix a holiday meal and having everyone disappear just as you are trying to get it on the table. Thankfully I now have gkids who are old enough, and willing to help. On the other hand, in my building after a potluck, there are several who just pitch right in and it doesn't take us long to clean up at all. When I'm running it, before the prayer, I remind everyone they are expected to clean their own table.
    1685 days ago
    hmmm...my mom taught me the best way to help was stay out of the way. To this day, that is what I am best at...staying out of the way while others get stuff done. I am fine working by myself, but I do not work well with others.
    1685 days ago
    Learning to help is one of the hardest things for me to do even today. I have found that more often than not people would rather you ask so that they know exactly what you need. emoticon
    1685 days ago
    When you're single, you end up doing it yourself! Unless some generous neighbor or relative volunteers, of course. :D
    1685 days ago
    Do as much as you feel you comfortably can, then leave the rest for someone else.

    If you don't have the energy to fix dinner one evening, let the others in your family know that they are on their own for food. Fix yourself what you want and let others do the same. Be sure not to criticize what they choose to eat. Then put up your feet and relax.

    Simplify your decorations for the holidays. Christmas will come whether you put up a tree or not. And don't be afraid to set limits and ask for help if you need it.
    1685 days ago
    I'll have to read responses from others. This holds true with me alot, especially with my lazy MIL. She likes to give orders to others (won't discuss what goes on in my head when she does this - *&#^@*!). My husband and I end up tired and worn out while others enjoy the festivities - talk about feeling cheated although it's our own darn fault. Am I getting angry here???

    1685 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/12/2012 5:53:03 PM
    If I only did what I feel like I would do nothing but sit in my recliner and watch tv or read a book. I gotta push myself.
    1685 days ago
    I learned this one year when I had a knee replacement and couldn't do it all during the holidays and since then I have not tried to do it all..if the tree is not put up and decorated then I don't sweat it..I do what I feel like doing now...and as for having the family for big meals..we have one day set aside with the kids and grandkids and we do it potluck but with "finger foods" and paper plates, napkins, etc...this way there is very little clean up and everyone helps out..Glad to see someone with this attitude this year...Stick with it...
    1685 days ago
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