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    BME_22   14,069
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Seeing Success


Monday, November 12, 2012

To date, I have lost about 63 lbs from my highest pregnancy weight. I am 13 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight, and my BMI right now is 21.6 - well within the healthy range.

Beyond that, I am wearing a pant size smaller than I was before I got pregnant. My dresses fit beautifully. My sister, who has also recently lost weight, gave me a bag full of dress pants that no longer fit her. In the bag, a pair of pants I gave her once upon a time, having given up on ever losing enough weight to button the tiny, un-budging size 6. I wore them two weeks ago, and they were a little too big.

Obviously, I have lost weight.

So why don't I SEE it? When I look in the mirror, I see the larger version of myself staring back. The girl from high school who smothered her sadness in ranch dressing and drove away disappointment with fried foods. My stomach is flabby, my thighs seem huge, and my cheeks are invariably chipmunk-like.

I feel so lost. The facts are irrefutable, I am at a healthy weight. Yet, my eyes refuse to acknowledge this. I sit here, having lost 63lbs, wondering why it isn't enough. Wondering how much more I would need to lose before I feel as though I'm "there". Wondering if that's even possible.

Anyone familiar with this feeling? Any tips for reconciling these two disparate pictures that I have of myself?
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMREITE 11/12/2012 9:36PM

    try a wig or a costume to make yourself look different, lake the picture and hang it up and think of yourself as a different thin person. ok this is kind of a joke, but it is unfortunate how we refuse to see ourselves as able to become thinner and stronger even when we have done a great job.

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MJZHERE 11/12/2012 3:53PM

  I definitely know this feeling. One of the things I recognized when I started this journey this time is that I have never, ever before felt I looked good enough, thin enough, enough anything. Seeing myself in a picture when I was about 30 lbs less, I thought how great I looked and wondered why did I not see it at the time. So I made my goal to lose 30 lbs and a promise to myself that once I did, I would say to myself that I looked good when I looked in the mirror (no matter what my mind told me). I also let my husband know that I looked good in those pictures (he agreed) and that once I lost the weight, he better be telling me then that I looked good (even though he was happy with me heavier he is not one to compliment - he does like the thinner version and knows I want to hear it and does tell me). I am slowly seeing the change now - I had to say it outloud for a while before I saw it. I also have to concentrate on seeing the whole picture and not picking out flaws. It did take me a while to put on smaller clothes and am now comfortable in them. One of the best things is how I started to feel - energy, happy, less pain. emoticon emoticon

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MYBULLDOGS 11/12/2012 3:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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