Monday, November 12, 2012
Just Friday I felt so defeated and like I couldn't find a way to start eating healthier. I had been trying for weeks and as much as I wanted to change, I wanted the unhealthy food more. Something changed in me Friday... I don't know what or why and I don't need to, I'm just glad it did. I went food shopping as I had mentioned in my blog, and did really good all weekend. Better than I even was planning to do actually.
I didn't overeat once, I didn't sneak any food because I wasn't embarrassed at what or how much I was eating, and 90% of the food I put in myself was nourishing to the body. And I wasn't starving all weekend like I expected to be... and I stayed in my ranges! Annnnddd I didn't even really feel deprived. This is probably because it's still so new and I have been eating junk for months and a break from it was a nice change of pace. i don't really expect the "not feeling deprived" thing to stick, but I will be managing it better than I used to instead of trying to suppress it. I have always said when it comes to a healthy/unhealthy lifestyle it is all or nothing for me. I either binge and go crazy or I try to be perfect and exercise allllll the time and try to never slip up on food. I have learnt a hard lesson, neither one is healthy and neither one get's me where I want to be.
I will have cheat meals. I will have cheat DAYS even. I will not allow myself to feel left out or deprived at family functions and holidays.
I'm starting everything over right here and now. I need to learn self control when it comes to food, no matter how foreign it feels to me. Yes, I know I can go all crazy and lose weight super quick by eating 'perfect' and exercising like crazy. But all that does is wear me down mentally until I break. and by "break" I mean I stop exercising all together and start binging on all the foods I missed.
The hardest part of finding a balance for me is to not spin out of control when I allow myself a cheat meal or day. And also to not feel guilty about it and then try to make up for it by eating like a health nut for a week and exercising off the meal. I need to just allow it to happen and feel okay with it, knowing that I am only human and sometimes need to give into food cravings . It may not be the most healthy thing to do, but it is mentally healthy for me.
I guess that's what i'm trying for, both mental and physical health. It's important to me to get this under control in the next 2yrs or so before me and my Husband start our family. I know it will be harder to learn all of this once I have a baby (not impossible, but harder)