Monday, November 12, 2012
How having a baby is like preparing for the Zombie Apocolypse
Awesome Fact #1: There will be absolute lawlessness.
In a zombie apocolypse, rules fly out the window. Eat a person? cool. Drive through the stop sign? Yeah whatever.
In life with a baby, I'm trying to prepare for the fact that rules don't apply to baby. Dance party at 11pm/1am/3 am? No, it's not college all over again, it's just my infant trying to squirm out of a nappy change. Gone are the rules of order. Gotta release my controlling tendencies and just go with the flow.
Awesome Fact #2: Everyones inner badass will be unleashed.
In a Zombie Apocolyspe the fight to survive over shadows any grace, social dignity or kindness you may have been raised with. It's all about getting through the madness... Do you see where I'm going here? When you are sleep deprived, kindness is the last thing on your mind. Yet, life will still spin on, with all the advice, the chores and the tears that existed before baby.
My inner badass, (along with everyone else's) is about to be unleashed. An oh boy, that might be worse than the prospect of being eaten alive.
Awesome Fact #3: You never know when it's going to hit.
In a Zombie Apocolypse, you could be sitting, watching TV, with your feet on the coffee table when BAM! The glass through your window is shattered and 50 zillion zombies come pouring into your living room with one thing on their mind. I know my due date is in early May. With Hubby's 30th birthday on the 2nd, my sister's birthday on the 3rd and my due date ranging between the 3rd and the 6th, I am destined to have a back of my mind fear of the zombie crashing through at the most inopportune moment with only "Feed me, Wash me, Change me!" on it's mind.
(As a side note, my geeky hubby is praying for the baby to be born on the 4th of May so that he can say, "may the fourth be with you". lol)
And while I totally mean the above as a joke- it's sort of reflects my feelings too. I'm 6 months away from a whole new world- one that I can't prepare enough for. Because once he or she comes, well, there is no turning back. No more getting home at 4am. No more spur of the moment date nights.
On the one hand I'm terrified- but on the other, I'm excited. Excited to see if I'll survive- if I made my home safe enough for retreat and fighting. My no-name baby is already infiltrating my home as I've started packing away my lit crit books in favour for birthing/feeding/parenting books. I've purchased a cot (crib) and a changing table and I've made room for them in what was my study. I've postponed my plans for getting my Masters in favour of birthing classes for pain management. My computer bookmarks are no longer body sculpting websites, but cloth diapering resources. I don't know who I am anymore! Ha!
I know in my heart that this is just a hormonal phase. The weird abyss before I can feel the baby move, before I know it's gender, before it's time to start preparing for real. Before I can start believing that there is a PERSON coming to join us.
And that's why he or she feels a bit like impending doom. Because: 1. I'm dramatic and 2. because I can't relate the knowledge of biology with anything tangible yet.
I am starting to prepare for the little one's arrival in May now, because, well, preparing is part of my very nature. But it's so intangible right now, like preparing for Christmas in July, and while it makes me joyful because I know that come May, I will be as ready as I can be, and can focus on just enjoying a new life and our little family, I also feel more than a little bit silly. Kinda like I'm training for the Zombie Apocolypse.